Articles by Marv Dash
12/30/16 11:10pm
Weenies stun DPOSTM to win 2016 Kamin Cup
For a decade, DPOSTM seemed too big to fail. But on Tuesday, they did just that. The Weenies defeated Sports by a score of 16-14 on a chilly afternoon at Franklin Field in the 2016 Kamin Cup, ending a 10-year winning streak for DPOSTM. 12/12/16 10:55pm
DPOSTM going for 11th straight win over Weenies in annual Kamin Cup
Sports has won 10 straight Kamin Cups, but News and the Weenies will be looking to rewrite the transcript on Tuesday at Franklin Field. 03/29/16 1:59am
Joke Issue: Penn basketball wins 1/8th share of Ivy title
Everybody hears it when they head off to college: You get what you put in. A season of blood, sweat and tears paid off for Penn men's basketball when the team clinched a one-eighth share of the Ivy League title earlier this month. 03/29/16 1:52am
Joke Issue: AComm's Eric Dolan a player to be named later in Van Dyke deal
Ending months of speculation, Penn Athletics confirmed on Monday that former Associate Director of Athletic Communications Eric Dolan is the player to be named later in the 2015 trade with Stanford that landed women’s soccer coach Nicole Van Dyke in University City. “Clearly I didn’t make this move willingly,” Dolan said in a phone interview from a beach just outside Palo Alto, Calif. 03/29/16 1:51am
Joke Issue: Penn track star Sam Mattis suspended for throwing coach
In a surprising turn of events, Penn track and field’s throwing star Sam Mattis was suspended by the USTFCCCA for throwing his coach, Tony Tenisci, a whopping 68.12 meters at last weekend’s Penn Challenge. Anyone who reads the sports section of the Daily Pennsylvanian would know that Mattis throws heavy things often. 03/29/16 1:51am
Joke Issue: Club tennis player performs okay in recent match
PENN PARK – In a development that sent waves throughout the rec league community, numerous media outlets reported that, in a recent match, college junior and Penn club tennis athlete Blake Henson played okay. 03/29/16 1:51am
Joke Issue: Darien Nelson-Henry forgets beard at Palestra
The 2015-16 season featured many high-profile returns at the Palestra. Steve Donahue, who came back to the program after over a decade spent coaching other teams. 01/23/16 5:30pm
DPOSTM beats DPOSTM in blizzard, 36-35
"The only thing DPOSTM has to fear is DPOSTM itself," Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said, probably. Fresh off its undocumented 10th straight win in the annual Kamin Cup, DPOSTM took to high-rise field on Saturday afternoon facing blistering conditions. 01/15/16 8:36pm
DPOSTM falls in midday pickup classic
It was a rough afternoon for DPOSTM, but at least they preserved their dignity. 12/09/15 5:20am
DPOSTM seeking 10th straight win over Weenies in Kamin Cup
When Weenies then-junior fullback/safety Matt Mantica proclaimed that the end of DPOSTM’s run of success was in sight at last year’s Kamin Cup, the incoming president’s prediction seemed ludicrous. 03/25/15 1:55am
JOKE ISSUE | BREAKING: Penn student attends sporting event
PHILADELPHIA — She had no idea where she was. Freshman Ilana Bernstein ventured out Wednesday afternoon, looking to find "yet another boring history recitation." But what she found was more shocking and appalling to her than any TA could ever be: a Penn sporting event. "It was honestly the most scarring thing I've seen at Penn," Bernstein said. 03/25/15 1:54am
JOKE ISSUE | Penn Relays Carnival moving to Penn State
As if the consistent national athletic attention and overwhelming adoration from Pennsylvania’s adolescent population wasn’t enough, Penn State has gained another round of ammo to hold against its longtime Philadelphia rival. To the surprise of the tens of collegiate track and field fans on campus, Penn President Amy Gutmann announced on Tuesday that the historic Penn Relays will be moving to Penn State. “Does this in any way affect Fling?” asked one particularly devoted supporter during Calhoun’s ensuing question and answer session. In what can only be described as one of the great clerical mix-ups in the history of track and field, the first annual Relays — which was held in 1895 — was mistakenly held at Penn and not Penn State, as the events bylaws originally intended. 12/11/14 5:37pm
DPOSTM comes from behind, wins Kamin Cup as always
Junior quarterback Riley Darrel Steele provided the heroics, throwing for six touchdowns and running for another to lead DPOSTM to a thrilling 63-56 comeback victory over the Weenies. The win marks Sports’ ninth straight victory in the annual rivalry. 12/10/14 8:22pm
DPOSTM looking to top Weenies for ninth straight time
After being named Rookie of the Year after last season’s Cup, Matt Mantica is looking to ‘disrupt’ Sports’ offense as the new man in charge. The former Quidditch star has a few tricks up his sleeve while he tries to make his side relevant in the game. 12/11/13 1:55am
DPOSTM's biggest challenge a former Quidditch player
Jimmy Lengyel looks poised to lead DPOSTM, but Matt Mantica is sure to make Lengyel’s life a living hell in coverage and lead News to victory. 04/04/12 12:50am
Joke Issue: Penn replaced in Big 5 by rival Drexel
After being snubbed from the NCAA Tournament with a 29-7 record, the Dragons have been invited to join the Big 5 and replace Penn as the token member on 33rd Street. 04/04/12 12:38am
Joke Issue: BREAKING: Sr. F Belcore jumps over piece of paper
Tuesday evening at the ESPN Sports Science laboratory, Rob Belcore performed what seemed impossible four years ago: he jumped over a piece of paper. 04/04/12 12:34am
Joke Issue: Field Hockey to get new field
On Tuesday, Penn Athletic Director Steve Bilsky announced he would be installing an AstroTurf field in the Penn Park space between the tennis courts and the South Street Bridge. 04/04/12 12:31am
Joke Issue: Quidditch becomes newest varsity sport
On Wednesday, Penn’s athletic director Steve Bilsky announced that Penn would add a varsity team next year: Quidditch. 04/08/09 5:00am