I know many of us hate silence. When all is quiet and you’re in your dorm, in a lackluster classroom, maybe walking home late at night. When all you hear are your own thoughts. When all you feel are your own feelings. Yuck.
For many of us, being alone is about the least attractive thing that can occur during the day. Believe me, I understand. It’s unsurprising that solitude is stigmatized on a university campus. After all, our social networks and relationships can literally be modeled as future cash flows. That’s what networking is, right? Prepare to lunge at the promising connections we see amongst each other because at the end of the day, those relationships will actually pay dividends down the line. Now, put that mindset in a place where crowds are everywhere, parties are constant, and social media bleeds into real life. Why would anyone actually choose to be alone?
Yet this exact thought process has caused a confusion between the feeling of loneliness, and the condition of aloneness. Of solitude. Unfortunately, we’ve begun to see the two as one and the same. The result is a widespread rejection of peace, privacy, and seclusion.
The United States Surgeon General probably sealed solitude’s fate when he declared loneliness and social isolation a national epidemic. Big words. Big effects. No wonder there’s anxiety when eating alone in a dining hall. It’s unsurprising that people have “filler friends” to take up space in their free time. People are afraid of what it means to be by themselves.
This rejection of solitude has done us a grave disservice. We’ve forgotten its freedoms.
Now wait, don’t get me wrong. Loneliness itself is dangerous, detrimental to the individual, and quite unbecoming to the character. Touché, I wouldn’t wish it upon my least favorite family member. Social disconnection results in depression, increased risk of heart disease, and is comparable to smoking daily (yes, it sounds extreme, but these are the facts). This is a long-winded way to say: To be lonely isn’t pleasurable, and if you feel you are in such a condition, you should reach out to someone.
But loneliness isn’t the same as aloneness.
You can be lonely literally anywhere. With anyone. At any time. You can be lonely in your dorm, at a party, at a family gathering, etc. You can be lonely and be with people at the same time. Therefore, the excessive dosage of people is not the appropriate prescription to cure your condition.
In fact, I imagine that the loneliest places on Earth are those with the most social activity. After all, these are the places with the most pressures to surround oneself with other people. We live on a university campus. With over 20,000 students. Located in a metropolitan city. Perhaps you see what I’m getting at.
Yet, even if loneliness has a right to be stigmatized, rejecting solitude in the process is the casualty of a blameless bystander. We reject solitude because we’re afraid of loneliness and afraid of ourselves. Afraid of our own thoughts, of other people’s thoughts. “Only losers are alone.”
What we don’t realize is that taking time to ourselves is one of the healthiest things we can do. Taking time to relish in solace can increase your confidence, help you find your true sense of self, and even improve your relationships with others. It’s quite the charming endeavor.
How can we find this solace at Penn? Many people have tried to prescribe certain techniques in the past. It was the legendary American poet Charles Bukowsi who stated that the only true solitude was in “sleep in and death.” Maybe his sentiments are understandable, but let’s stick with a more optimistic pathway.
I encourage all Penn students to block out times of their week to be with themselves. Go to the dining hall unconstrained by flaky schedules, watch a movie independently, maybe even explore Philadelphia on your own.
There’s a reason that independence is so attractive, as I personally believe that there’s nothing more admirable than knowing oneself. Additionally, I can’t imagine there’s anything more difficult. But that’s OK. Be alone and be proud, you’ll be all the better for it.
ZAKHIR BENTHAM is a College freshman studying philosophy, politics, and economics from Montclair, N.J. His email address is zbentham@sas.upenn.edu.
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