Senior Columnist Mariana Martinez shares her perspective rushing as an international student and the dangers of Sidechat influences on the experience.
Credit: Grace ChenWhen I told my Colombian friends I was rushing for a sorority, they asked me if I was going to get a Venmo notification each time I missed a chapter event. Then, they asked me if it was some sort of cult. After I (cluelessly) denied both things, they asked me if I was prepared to go into a room full of high school-like mean girls.
My friends and I, all foreigners to American culture, had gathered our understanding of sororities from many different types of media. After watching “The Sex Lives of College Girls,” in which one of the characters finds herself shocked when she’s charged $80 for missing mandatory bonding activities, and the famous “Bama Rush” documentary depicting girls being judged on elitist standards, I had internalized the idea that a sorority was definitely not for me. Like most pop culture intends, in our heads, sorority girls were everything we should run away from. Yet, as a personal rule, I avoid making a value judgment about something before actually experiencing it. So, on Dec. 23, I decided to jump headfirst into a culture I knew nothing about and registered for sorority rush.
I never thought I would be this pleasantly surprised. I was prepared to feel awkward because I was Colombian, because I knew little about greek life, and because I come from a lower-middle-class family. The little information I had, I gathered from Sidechat, where anonymous students claimed that sorority girls would just ask about “your father’s yachts.” Other articles I read claimed one needed to have “travel experience” in order to have fun in the rush process. I went in nervous, I’ll admit, but at the same time I went in without any expectations. I was not in it for the bid; I was in it to experience what I considered to be one of the beacons of American college culture.
However, as open house day went on, I couldn’t help but get more excited. I met some of the sweetest women and had the most amazing conversations about “Sex and the City.” Some of the girls were also very excited to get to know more about my favorite places in Colombia. I have to admit, all the demonization of sorority girls is totally unfair. In fact, I encourage you, reader, to participate in this rush process! It definitely taught me that things are never what they appear, and you have to let yourself be surprised!
However, no matter how sweet the girls were, a dark cloud seemed to loom over our week: Sidechat. My happiness was brief, as I was soon introduced to Sidechat’s sorority ranking posts. Far from nice, they claimed that some houses had “ugly” or “weird” girls, and some posts even asked if it was “social suicide” to join certain houses. Additionally, some people were making pretty disgusting comments related to some sexual activities supposedly happening inside the houses. As a potential new member, or PNM, I can confirm that these were all lies. But, as someone who not long ago was a complete outsider to the greek scene, I can confirm that I used to believe everything I saw on Sidechat. I can’t imagine how it must have been to see these posts as a first year thinking about rushing sophomore year or as a current PNM who already has enough on her plate to now be anxious about what strangers are saying on Sidechat. The negativity on Sidechat had effects that went beyond the immature and silly jokes.
The day of our philanthropy round, I started to hear about a lot of people dropping out of rush. And of those who hadn’t dropped out of rush, I would hear them complaining on the lines about how they only had certain houses left. The truth is, Sidechat sorority rankings were a buzzkill for all, even me. I, who initially wanted to experience this in hopes of finding a true sisterhood and a group of girls with whom I could make lifelong memories at Penn, found myself obsessing over the rankings until the late hours of the night during rush week.
One first year, who wishes to remain anonymous, commented to me, “After seeing the houses I was left with and comparing them to Sidechat rankings, I didn’t understand what the point of rushing was anymore, so I dropped out.” Frankly, I find it unacceptable that something as trivial and arbitrary as Sidechat gets in the way of such a fun and exciting experience that should focus around making new friends and meeting amazing women. People hide behind anonymity to make immature comments and turn sorority rush into a social status parade, when in my opinion, it should be about empowering women and helping them find solace.
During rush, I had some beautiful and comforting conversations where I truly felt seen. Penn’s Sidechat culture is dangerous, as it can mislead girls to choose a place where they might not feel as comfortable, all on behalf of avoiding “social suicide.” Think about it: Would you rather be stuck for four years in a “top-tier” house where you don’t fit in, or find your true family as you allow fake claims of social status to slip to the back of your mind?
This process has taught me so much. First, it taught me that I am not alone. It taught me the importance of saying yes to new experiences. But lastly, and most importantly, it taught me how crucial it is to prioritize genuine connections and to follow your heart in these types of decisions. To this day, I am so glad I said yes to rush on Dec. 23.
MARIANA MARTINEZ is a College sophomore from Bogotá, Colombia. Her email is marmari@sas.upenn.edu.
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