Jason Tangson | Vivisect la difference

When | It's time to move out of West Philadelphia

By Jason Tangson 02/09/15 12:30am

Race relations, economic disparities, the lingering threat of crime, having to deal with people of different backgrounds: It’s not easy being in West Philly. When the median income bracket for us Penn students is three times more than that of our neighbors past 40th Street, sitting on the brackish border to the slumdrums can be chafing. Center City has its colonial charm, South Philadelphia has its restaurants, but chaos runs the Wild West.

Times were different when Penn relocated into West Philadelphia in 1872. Our new neighborhood was predominantly — nay, institutionally — white, and West Philadelphia stood as a plush retreat on the fringes of Center City for the wealthy and the Old Philadelphians. But times have changed. Like Myspace or Greece, it just ain’t what it used to be.

Under the decorum of noblesse oblige mixed with Franklinian values of applied knowledge, Penn has offered to clean up the neighborhood, be it with Wharton’s initiatives or the pro-bono stints of second-year law students. But, as the case studies might put it, the failure to produce synergy, push the envelope or even move forward as team players in the community marks a mutually regarded irreconcilable recalcitrance. To put it alliteratively, West Philadelphia puts populist pressure against our proactive presence of purported progress. It must be some paradigm thing.

More recently, the demand for PILOTs due to Penn “not paying its fair share” to the community is insulting. After all, aren’t we the last bastion of everything worthwhile in West Philadelphia?

Frankly, it’s not worth it to stay. From the Fresh Prince to Thanksgiving dinners with the extended family, Penn’s backdrop is the comedic foil to being a student here. We privileged Penn kids shouldn’t be exposed to the radiation of urban decay without receiving anything in return, let alone having to pay some arbitrary 0.1 percent figure. If I wanted to experience edgy photogenic urban grit while padded with daddy’s money pouch, I’d live in Brooklyn. The culture clash between West Philadelphia and Penn will only worsen; if you can’t beat them, join them. But if you can’t join them, then run away.

Penn doesn’t feel appreciated, while West Philadelphia feels encroached. When two communities don’t see eye to eye, maybe it’s time to see another community.

It’s time to make do like the Israelites in Egypt and re-relocate. Like spicy food, dipping a toe into a tide pool of diversity can build character, but it can also lead to feelings of discomfort, palpitations and fear. Our parents wouldn’t want that.

I propose we move to Manayunk (MAN-ee-unk), Pa. This will be the chance for Penn to reinvent itself, and find a community that aligns more closely with our demographic. Nearby Manayunk, a land of bars, bros and BYO’s: an index fund of Penn’s social scene. It’s where diversity comes in varieties of draft beers and quinoa. Gentrification has already hacked away the messy jungle of diversity with the machete of moneyed immigration, allowing for us to live in the sheltered innocence that we students deserve, away from Dickensian drab or stingy power dynamics. An Ivy ensconcement where ignorance is bliss. The hilly terrain makes for a perfect vantage point to look down on Philadelphia. Its canal can even serve as a moat.

We can only hope that industry in Manayunk won’t one day collapse as well, lest our new surroundings dwindle into a new New Haven. I’ll refrain from nurdling on logistics; I’m an opinion columnist, not an urban planner.

Oh, and West Philadelphia has a lot to gain as well. For one, parasitic Penn would stop freeloading off of the $33 million in annual property taxes otherwise owed. Without the deciduous barrage of students, property prices and living standards will finally simmer down to a comfortable and accessible rate for West Philadelphia’s long-term residents.

Only then, would the crusty charm of West Philly return.

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