This past weekend I was at a bar celebrating a friend from high school’s birthday and was having a great time until one of my guy friends slapped my butt.
My first instinct was to try to kick him in the balls, which I did. Lucky for him, my aim was a bit off.
For the rest of the night, he continued trying to slap my butt when I wasn’t paying attention, trying to make a game out of it. But I wasn’t playing. I wasn’t in the mood to make a scene at the bar, and I knew he was pretty drunk, so I did my best to avoid physical proximity to him until I left.
The next day I got a text from him saying, “Sorry I touched your butt, it’s just nice.” I knew he was trying to be goofy and flirty and expected me to say something along the lines of “don’t worry about it” or “thanks for the compliment.” Instead, I told him that it was disrespectful to grab a girl’s butt, and he needed to learn some self-control. He told me to relax.
There’s something wrong with this picture. There is no excuse for slapping a girl’s ass in public, whether “it’s nice,” you’re drunk or you think she can take a joke. When a drunk guy grabs your ass on the dance floor at Smoke’s, it’s easy enough to ignore it and pretend it was accidental or to make a comment to your friends later about that creep who groped you (I too have been guilty of this in the past). But this just reinforces the mindset that this type of behavior is socially acceptable, and then it just becomes more commonplace.
I don’t care if I’ve known you for five years or five seconds or whether you are or I am drunk, high or sober. It is not okay for you to slap, grab, grope, fondle or graze my butt in public. If you want to get my attention, try a nice shoulder tap or, God forbid, start a conversation.
There have been several steps toward eliminating “rape culture” lately, such as Philadelphia’s recent SlutWalk. Even if you’re not comfortable parading through Center City holding a sign that says “my pussy my choice,” you can still contribute to this movement.
I’m not saying girls should go around kicking guys in the balls (my initial reaction might have been a bit overaggressive), but when a guy disrespects us by touching us without our permission, we need to let him know.
Maybe he’s drunk and won’t remember, but maybe he will. Maybe another guy will see what happened and learn to respect women more. Maybe your girlfriends will see how strong you are and realize that they need to stand up for themselves too. And even if none of these happen, at least you’ll be wearing some self-respect for the rest of the night — and there’s nothing sexier than that.
Marissa Decesaris is a Nursing senior. Her email address is mdeces@nursing.upenn.edu.
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