*This story appeared in the 2011 Joke Issue.
Citing widespread concerns of reckless behavior, the Philadelphia City Council voted on Monday to pass an ordinance that would outlaw all BYOB restaurants in Philadelphia.
Under the new ordinance, no restaurant would allow patrons to bring their own alcohol. Instead, alcoholic beverages must be sold by the restaurant. The bill also includes a clause imposing more strict rules for restaurants to verify patrons’ ages.
Philadelphia Mayor and Penn alumnus Michael Nutter elaborated on the passing of the ordinance.
In a statement, Nutter called BYO restaurants “one of the gems of our burgeoning city.”
“It’s a rocky situation, but there is too much underage drinking,” he continued.
Local Center City residents reported many cases of drunken rowdiness leading up to the passing of the ordinance.
“Students would run and yell up and down the streets on weekends — I could never sleep,” Center City resident Lauren Horder, 69, said.
“Kids would be so loud,” said Horder’s neighbor, Franz Eya. “They’d keep me up all night. It’s rough when it’s 7 a.m., waking up in the morning.”
Many students on campus, however, are outraged.
“I can’t believe this happened — now how am I going to get drunk on my 19th birthday?” asked a College freshman who asked for anonymity for fear of the Law.
Students are beginning to look for alternate options to once-popular BYO restaurants. Yesterday, a group of seven sophomores was arrested by Penn Police for public intoxication, all while attempting a makeshift BYO. They reportedly huddled around a food truck while passing around a plastic bottle filled with Coca-Cola and rum.
“Times are hard,” Wharton junior Buddy Wizer said as he was led away in handcuffs. “You have to celebrate the end of the day somehow.”
Other alternatives have also sprung up.
“I guess we’ll just have to BYO Commons more often now,” College freshman Hine Aiken said.
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