The Sooner, The Better | Keep the fear alive?

Round up your favorite monster mask. Start practicing your zombie walk down Locust. Slap on some fake blood. And meet me at the National Mall on Oct. 30 — it’s time for the “March to Keep Fear Alive!”

As many of you know, Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert is triumphantly hosting a counter-demonstration to Jon Stewart’s “Rally to Restore Sanity.” Amid growing concern that conservative Tea Partying fascists and liberal Democratic communists simply can’t talk it out, Stewart is hosting his rally to affirm the American tradition of sanity and reason.

Hah, as if! Why would anyone think our society is sane?

There is nothing more American than fear and irrationality. And so I — a proud American following in the footsteps of noted fear-mongers John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and Joseph McCarthy — will march with Colbert against the forces of polite discourse that might clean the delightfully polluted swamp we call American politics.

But fear not, moderately sane Quakers, for you too can experience the fear and frustration!

On the morning of the rally, the Penn Democrats — aided by the nonpartisan Penn in Washington group — have organized a bus to carry 49 students to Washington, D.C., according to College junior and Penn Dems President Emma Ellman-Golan.

Though the Penn group will be attending Stewart’s rally rather than Colbert’s, I am proud to see the group at least giving a nod to insanity by sending Democratic volunteers to D.C. in the midst of a Republican takeover of Congress.

For those of you who can’t stomach the pure terror that is D.C. traffic during a big rally, campus life has taken a turn toward the extreme in recent months — giving you front-row seats to political apocalypse.

Master of Science in Education student Dan Chinburg started the Penn Tea Party this fall, and has drawn endlessly undeserved attention for his audacity. As Ellman-Golan recently stated in The Daily Pennsylvanian, “The Tea Party is made up of people who use fear tactics and have no sense of intellectualism.” Other democrats on campus have also been dismissive of the new group.

At first, I thought Chinburg could be a viable ally in my march to keep fear alive. Stunningly, Chinburg appears to be completely sane (I checked) and even said he will be attending Stewart’s rally. Believing in less taxation and less regulation, he plans to host speakers and appears ready to debate opponents using logic and reason.

Count me out! I only like my Tea served with a lump of crazy.

Maybe I’d have better luck in my search for insanity with the new Penn Democratic Socialists group, founded by College junior Corey Barnes. Unfortunately, once again, relative sanity seems to be alive and well here. The PDS have already hosted two speakers and held an education event.

Just when a guy thinks the world might come to an end, people show up with different viewpoints prepared to debate reasonably. This isn’t to say I’ve given up hope: Tea Partiers, Democrats, Republicans and Socialists across the country are ready to stir up emotions and remind people of all they have to fear, whether it’s communists killing grandma or the coming of cable-news fascism.

Sarcasm aside, Penn seems to be doing a good job on the no-yelling front. Students could engage in legitimate discussion and debate policy issues — if only people didn’t write their opponents off as nut jobs. After all, though we may disagree with each other’s opinions, abrupt dismissal of these arguments can be as destructive to our politics as a mad man with a microphone.

At the end of the month, I will be marching to keep fear alive — although mostly for entertainment. For those of you who are going and expect anything more than an expanded version of your favorite Comedy Central show, curb your enthusiasm.

Colin Kavanaugh is a College senior from Tulsa, Okla. He is a former regional coordinator for Students for Specter. His e-mail address is kavanaugh@theDP.com. The Sooner, The Better appears on Mondays.

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Pennsylvanian.