Julie Steinberg | A grad's gift to you

Dear Class of 2013,

When I wrote my goodbye column for these pages in May, I said I would pay you all the Icelandic krona in the world to switch places. That offer is still on the table. And now that Iceland is set to join the European Union, its currency may actually be worth something soon.

But I digress. I am supposed to offer you words of advice to make you excited about Penn and Philadelphia. Having graduated in May and somehow existed outside of Penn for the past few months, I can best sum up my feelings by telling you that I've already enrolled as a senior associate for the fall of 2060.

Here are a few trinkets to get you planning for the best four years of your life (a cliche, yes, but a true one, as most cliches usually are).

1. Be a listserv whore. At the fall activities fair, join as many listservs as possible. This, admittedly, will get very annoying very quickly as your inbox begins to clog (for those of you who don't have Gmail yet, switch now - it will change your life). And of course you won't be interested in most of the clubs you've signed up for - it took maybe an hour before I realized I wasn't cut out for ultimate Frisbee nor did I have the necessary religion for Campus Crusade for Christ. Still, it doesn't hurt to be bombarded with as many opportunities as possible. Unlike high school, college clubs number in the hundreds and satisfy any quirks you enumerated on your Penn application to make you seem unique. Whatever your penchant, you'll find it here.

2. Be a generalist. You've waited all your life to specialize in the subjects that interest you most, but if you only take classes inside your major you'll become very dull indeed. Take a class you never thought you'd take - the more esoteric, the better. Think of college as a way to not only acquire knowledge, but as preparation for a fabulous dinner party with the most interesting people in the world. At a recent dinner I learned that Arizona doesn't follow daylight-saving time (WTF, Arizona?). Someone else chimed in that Alice in Wonderland was actually a metaphor for rejecting femininity. Non sequitur? Yes. But undeniably fascinating.

3. Care about names. Take classes based on the professors, not necessarily the topics. An incredible professor can make even the blandest topic interesting; a dull prof can make a class on sex, drugs and rock'n'roll more unvarying than Ben Stein's turn in Ferris Bueller.

4. Engage in hallcest. Every article you've read says not to. Why? I don't get it. Butcher 2nd floor 2005-06 produced two couples that ARE still together. You never know.

5. Explore Philadelphia. This is an incredible city, from artsy Northern Liberties and Fishtown to quaint-but-hopping Old City to hipster West Philly. Your life doesn't have to be contained within 12 blocks - make SEPTA your best friend.

6. Be happy you're not at Harvard, Yale or Princeton. This will become more obvious after this week. They just don't kick it like Penn kids do.

7. Pull as many all-nighters as you want. Everyone will caution you against this. Everyone will also tell you that college will teach you not to procrastinate. They are lying. I emerged as staunch a procrastinator as I went in, due to myriad all nighters. Also, caffeine-free Diet Coke works as well as the real thing; learn to love placebos.

8. Read UnderTheButton.com, Penn's version of Gawker.

9. Sorry for the shameless plug in #8.

10. But still read it.

11. Penn is an ideal mixture of Dead Poet's Society, "The School of Athens" and Animal House. There are fewer things better than sitting around, drunkenly discussing the meaning of life and assorted other cliches with your best friends, and capping the night off with a 3 a.m. jaunt to Wawa.

I've left a few things out of this column, like don't feed the squirrels, don't neglect the food trucks, etc. But you'll figure it out. You're at the best place in the world - enjoy every minute.

Julie Steinberg is a 2009 College graduate from Boca Raton, Fla. She is currently a Bartley Fellow at the Wall Street Journal.

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