Sarah Cantin | With peace and quiet, gaining peace of mind

With graduation on the near horizon, many seniors are probably panicking about impending good-byes and separations. Some of us may be moving to a new city or country alone; some of us may be living apart from that best friend, girlfriend or boyfriend that we hoped we'd still share a zip code with. Facing a future already filled with question marks, it's scary and daunting to realize that, for some time at least, we might have to go it alone.

Which is why, if I could offer one kernel of wisdom, it would be this: don't be afraid to hang out with yourself.

I'm talking about you spending time with you - alone. And no, solitary hours in a library carrel don't count.

As college students, we could probably never spend time alone. When you live on long halls or in large off-campus houses, you're constantly surrounded by other kids, and even the simplest activities - grocery shopping, teeth brushing, laundry folding - suddenly become communal. It's one of the greatest joys of college living, and it's completely unique to this period of our lives.

But some of my happiest times in college have been spent alone. I was by myself for huge portions of my time abroad in London - my flatmates were certifiably insane, and my other acquaintances lived at opposite ends of the city. Luckily, several of my closest Penn friends were spread across Europe and so my weekends were often spent traveling with them. Which meant that during the week, it felt good to be alone.

Though I lived with some crazies, my flat was in a prime location. And because the Tube was about $4 a ride, even with a savings card, I walked - everywhere. In September, I told myself that I'd want to use the Tube as it got colder or when it rained. But it never got that cold, and the rain never lasted all day, and by the time I had to leave in December, my map was tearing at its folds.

I had already spent a month in London when I was 16, on one of those programs for precocious kids. Looking back at that summer, it seems like I was rarely alone - after all, our days were very structured, and exploring at night required a buddy system style sign-out. Returning home, I was devastated to be leaving my friends of four weeks - the city was secondary, just the place I happened to be at the time.

But five years later, it felt different. Like Joan Didion once said of New York, I fell in love with London, and like Joan, I don't mean love in any colloquial way. I fell in love with the city and myself in it: who I was and how I lived while I was there. When I returned to Boston that December morning, I felt like I was going through a breakup - this time, with the city itself.

In fairness, I've never been the type of person to always need a companion - I grew up as an only child, so solitude is nothing new. But returning to Penn after my semester abroad, I had two new found appreciations: one, for my smart, loving and blessedly sane friends; and two, for the rejuvenating and clarifying power of alone time. Back on this familiar campus, constantly surrounded by people and activities, I realized that hanging out with just myself every once in a while actually enabled me to live my 'Penn' life more fully.

The reality is - unless you're horribly dull - you're going to leave Penn with good friends. Spending time alone and forming close, lasting friendships are not mutually exclusive projects. In fact, I'd argue that they're actually intertwined - because generally, the people most capable of being a good friend are those individuals who have a strong, core sense of themselves. And if you never hang out with just you, then that core never really has a chance to develop.

So pick a day and take yourself out on a date. Put your cell phone on silent - no BBM-ing allowed. Wander off campus and walk with no destination in mind.

You might be surprised by how much peace you'll find - and how much fun you'll have.

Sarah Cantin is a College senior from Boston, Mass. Candid Cantin appeared on alternating Mondays. Her email address is cantin@dailypennsylvanian.com. After graduation, Sarah plans on pursuing a career in publishing.

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