*This article appeared in the 2009 joke issue.
Men's squash coach Craig Thorpe-Clark has "got back," two anonymous sources confirmed yesterday.
"Oh, my, God," one of the source said, watching a spandex-clad Thorpe-Clark exit Ringe Courts. "It's so big. He looks like, one of those rap guy's girlfriends."
Added the other source: "It's just so round, it's like out there - I mean, gross. Look! He's just so . black!"
While the 4-foot-9 Australian coach often conceals his ample backside under baggy nylon pants and an innocent smile, players and opposing coaches have taken notice recently.
Thorpe-Clark, according to sources, has looked increasingly "little in the middle," but with a drastic increase in his "round thing in [their] face."
"My anaconda don't want none," senior Andrew Zimmerman said, "unless you got buns, hun."
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