Jacob Schutz | Beards we can believe in

Dear Reader: It's time to come clean with you. The picture in the upper right corner of this column, supposedly representing my shining face to the world, is a scam.

A photographer took the picture during the first week of the semester when I still had a full beard. It made me happy and made everyone else worry about lice.

In the week following the Republican National Convention, when John McCain briefly surged in the polls, I shaved my six-month beard. But I kept the pic.

November brings a wave of promise for beards - change we can believe in, hope for the future, a new way forward for my generation. No, I'm not talking about the election of Barack Obama. My editor has asked us to write about other things besides that small, discreet, self-contained event.

That redemption is No Shave November. The month, while not federally recognized, has hundreds of Facebook groups, Web sites and blog postings promoting hair growth.

The average man will spend five months of his life shaving. Yet most men (and I'm sure women as well) accept this fate and the razor burn that accompanies it. But why?

Most women I spoke with about beards had concerns about hygiene. Wharton junior Rachel Yelsey worried about stray food particles. Others views men with beards as "lazy," "dirty" and "scruffy."

Men tended to be pro-beard but claimed they were incapable of growing their own. I had all of these concerns and more (college is a confusing time). But slowly, I accepted my fated curly scruff - even when my sister, in disgust, told me it looked like pubic hair.

Many without beards seem to be thinking, "My beard is too patchy to let grow out" (No, it's not, your skin is just too uniform) or "I'm worried about what others will think" (That's why we'll all do it together) or "I'm a female." (Hi, may I have your number? Do you like beards? No? Yeah, I was thinking about shaving. I mean definitely. I'm definitely going to shave.)

But we need not be self-conscious during No Shave November. We can unite and see people across the world engaging in simple acts of hair cultivation.

College junior Maxine Mendoza is a fan of beards, and says she would have one if she were a male.

"I really respect 'the beard' because A) I can't grow one of my own and B) It shows you're not afraid to stand out and go against the grain," she said. She also claimed to have found value in the "exfoliating" effect of beard against face when with a bearded man.

While women cannot (usually) join the world of facial hair, they should also participate in No Shave November. Give a big middle finger to a civilization that accepts countless nicks and cuts for some stupid ideal of hairless underarms and legs. Come on, people: Let's forget the razor, get together and exfoliate.

You will be stared at. Professors will look at your hair as a physical manifestation of youthful idealism and naivete. Parents will wonder if they should come visit, just to make sure things are going OK. Other (see: hairless and uncool) students will stare and wonder whether you are oblivious to the cold, harsh reality of a hair-phobic society. Internship employers will double and triple check GPA and school name.

But we can be radical. It's a new world out there, where bearded and bristle-legged people can unite for a hairier world. We no longer have to question ourselves or wonder whether the rest of the country will ever catch up to our hairy enlightenment.

It is No Shave November and crazy things happen. Penn students (PENN STUDENTS?!) marched to City Hall in support of beards on Tuesday, four days late but still there in spirit.

Things have changed.

Jacob Schutz is a College junior from Monument, Colo. His email is schutz@dailypennsylvanian.com. The MacGuffin appears every Monday.

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