Ryan Benjamin | Quality, not quantity

Three weeks ago I got a phone call nobody wants under any circumstances: A friend of mine had suddenly passed away.

Jeremy and I were good friends in high school, often sharing some of the same classes, crazy teachers and a lot of great conversations. After graduation in 2005, we occasionally stayed in touch, but it wasn't enough.

Why is it so hard to maintain old relationships? For one, we're busy people. And there's always a fear that we may not have much to talk about because we don't share the same life experiences on a daily basis like we used to. We fall out of touch.

The fact is there's still plenty to talk about. Study abroad, majors/minors, interests, gossip from home, nostalgia, whatever. Jeremy, for example, studied abroad in Nepal last year and had the time of his life. He came home with a new perspective and set out to help the people of Nepal. With his intelligence and charisma, he could have done anything he wanted.

Though it's hard to admit, we spend a lot of time in college putting on a show for some people we can't stand. Why not transfer that energy to keep up with old friends - people you actually enjoy spending time with?

Enter Facebook. The social networking site has become a daily ritual in the lives of most college students, undoubtedly changing the way we communicate. Beyond wall posts and pokes, it allows us to keep up with old friends without even talking to them.

But don't believe for a second that this superficial communication can replace real life relationships. In fact, it might even worsen the problem.

History of Science professor Nathan Ensmenger, who studies social networking sites, argues that we mostly use Facebook to complement face-to-face contact. "Many adults believe that college students use Facebook because they're young and hip, but in fact it's because it reinforces their real life social connections."

But what about keeping in touch with old friends? I would bet that most people, like myself, have strong relationships with a handful of high-school friends and superficially keep in contact (stalk?) the rest on Facebook.

Although when I first got to Penn I used Facebook to check up on high-school buddies, I quickly made new friends whose "favorite movies" and "photos" were of more immediate interest.

College junior Dana Rommerdahl talks to a few high-school friends but prefers e-mail over Facebook. "[Facebook] sort of negates our obligation to actually put forth any effort in old relationships," she said, "like leaving a 'Happy Birthday' post on someone's wall."

Even with new technology, Ensmenger says students create a "hierarchy" of communication, with face-to-face and phone communication on one end and Facebook on the other.

The research confirms it's hard to keep in touch with so many people. Anthropologist Robin Dunbar has determined that humans are limited to personally knowing about 150 people at one time - the "Dunbar Number." Therefore, as you increase relationships in one place, the human brain may limit your relationships in others.

Sometimes, we think our world is closer than ever because we can almost live friends' lives as they happen. But in many ways, it's more distant, as we superficially know more people while intimately knowing less.

Which brings me back to my friend Jeremy. About a month after he returned from Nepal, we decided Facebook wasn't enough and talked on the phone for a bit. Even though we didn't talk long and a second phone call never happened as planned, I'll always treasure the personal contact we had before he died.

So the lesson is this: Don't rely on Facebook to know what's going on in your friends' lives. Call them up. You'll have lots to talk about, I assure you.

Ryan Benjamin is a College senior from New Haven, Conn. His email is benjamin@dailypennsylvanian.com. A Connecticut Yankee appears on alternating Mondays.

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