Emily Fox | Manners for a modern era

Sitting in the audience at Freshman Performing Arts Night, many of the bits rattled me. The acts and the actors, the songs and the singers impressed me, but all the humor centering on having sex and having money left me quite uncomfortable.

I'm not a prude, and I don't possess such a sophisticated sense of humor that I can't enjoy my peers' performances.

I do, however, have a grandmother who just about ensured that I was brought up with impeccable manners and a perfect knowledge of etiquette.

Certain things, I learned, shouldn't be said out loud.

She taught me the subtle nuances of how to make introductions ('presenting' the younger member of the conversation to the eldest) and how to word an invitation (requesting the honor of one's presence). She read me Emily Post's Etiquette - the Holy Bible to all those well-mannered - as bed-time stories and often played me a cassette tape that sang jubilant songs about etiquette. She instructed me to handle every social situation with "style, sensitivity and grace."

My passion for protocol may seem outdated for a Penn student in the 21st century. I'll be the first to admit that knowing the order in which to place forks for a dinner party appears trivial, though the knowledge can't hurt. Things have changed since Ms. Post published her manners manifesto - I recognize that.

But certain social codes remain relevant today, particularly at a school where so much rides on rapports and reputations. I might have crawled through some pointless crap in my years of etiquette boot camp, but especially as OCR looms, it can't hurt to brush up on your better behavior to avoid falling blindly into a black hole of impoliteness.

Chief among these rules is the manner in which we introduce and present ourselves. According to Claire Klieger, associate director of Career Services, "It's oftentimes the little things that can make a big difference in today's job search." In order to avoid these protocol pitfalls, Klieger advises: "Be positive. Shake someone's hand. Always refrain from making negative comments about other experiences that you may have had."

Emily Post agrees.

The point of an introduction is to show interest in making someone's acquaintance. It only makes sense to stand when you're introduced, to make eye contact and to use their name after you meet. If you show someone this respect, they're likely to respect you back.

And while Emily Post knew nothing about the Internet, Gmail and Facebook punctuate our lives. With communication so impersonal and so instantaneous, it's simple to send a quick message that gets the job done.

"Today, students are so tech savvy that often they can mistake this for being a less formal environment than it actually is," Klieger says. "But e-mail etiquette is very important." She advises students to use proper names for those who they're emailing and to always spell check to avoid errors. "If that's the first thing that someone sees, they might see you as careless or unprofessional."

So maybe we should take the extra time to write the longer, better researched e-mail (hell, if you're feeling crazy, maybe even hand-write it!).

Lastly, the discussion of money. It's commonplace today to talk about how much you spent on your iPhone or your sneakers, but Emily Post advises us to steer clear of the subject.

When another Penn student I had just met asked me how much I was paying to rent my apartment, I was taken aback. College senior Noah Keil told me that "kids talk about money so often because it's the first time we're handling our own finances."

I'd agree that talking about wealth today is less taboo than it was for Post. In modern times, discuss what you feel comfortable with.

If you like the nosy boy on the bus, go right ahead and tell him how much you spend on your apartment, your haircut or your new convertible.

It's all public record, anyway.

But I'm inclined to keep mum on the money subject. Blame it on my grandmother - or Emily Post.

Emily Fox is a College sophomore from Merion, Pennsylvania. Her e-mail is fox@dailypennsylvanian.com. Seen and Heard appears on alternating Fridays.

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