Simeon McMillan | Everyday Facebook rules

"Think before you poke."

The moment I heard this phrase, I knew it was destined to be the "Stop, drop and roll" of my generation, that one piece of advice that could potentially save your (social) life. Thanks to Debrett's, Britain's "etiquette bible" publisher, this mantra and other rules of Facebook decorum have just recently been compiled into five guidelines for the avid social-networker. While I hate to admit it, these old folks may have hit the nail on the head.

The beauty of their wisdom lies in its simplicity: Don't make friends with people you don't know, wait a day before accepting or rejecting a friend request, don't forget to call or send a card on birthdays or engagements, refrain from posting compromising photos of your friends and choose your profile picture wisely.

And to think you were told you don't learn anything useful at college.

There's no reason the Brits should be allowed to have a monopoly on repackaged tidbits of collegiate common sense. Not to be outdone by our friends across the pond, I've taken their suggestions a step further in compiling my own list of Facebook dos and don'ts.

1. College women should stop concealing their true relationship status by entering virtual relationships or marriages with their closest girlfriends. We get the joke; the majority these unions are for show and are about as authentic as Cindy McCain's plagiarized family recipes.

While such pairings are now technically legal in California thanks to a recent ruling by that state's Supreme Court, on the Internet they serve only to further confuse thousands of already hapless undergraduate men.

2. Originality goes along way when assigning names to public photo albums. To encourage this, Facebook would be wise to enact an indefinite moratorium on naming new photo albums after Top 40 radio hits you heard in your car. There are far too many albums entitled "Welcome to the Good Life", "Lollipop", and a variety of ephemeral chart-toppers we all love to hate.

If I followed said example and named each of my columns after the most-played song on the radio at the time of publication, my archive of work would read less like that of a journalist and more like a list of Miley Cyrus's greatest hits.

3. Now as much as we in the press miss our beloved Hill-dawg, it might be time for her supporters to face the music and remove her headshot as their personal profile pictures. Facebook is an appropriate place to show support for your favorite presidential candidate and air your political grievances. But the primary season is over, and proper etiquette dictates you send your Facebook friends a bit fat Obama-pology.

4. Membership status in Facebook networks should only be given to individuals with legitimate ties to a region, company, or educational institution. Seasonal visitors need not apply. Being a summer intern at a major investment bank makes you as much a member of their company as watching the NBA Finals for a week makes you a Celtics fan.

The same goes for individuals who claim alumni status at universities where they spent only a semester. Unfortunately, four months of "study" abroad does not make you an alumnus of Oxford or the London School of Economics. We all know you spent most of your time sightseeing Europe; it's obvious from your photo albums (see rule #2).

5. Lastly, the Facebook status bar is neither a diary nor a blog, and shouldn't be used as such. I should know, having squeezed full paragraphs into a space intended for a sentence. If you have that much to say, feel free to submit a guest column to The Summer Pennsylvanian - so long as it's not named after anything on the Billboard charts.

Simeon McMillan is a Wharton graduate from Baldwin, N.Y. His e-mail is mcmillan@dailypennsylvanian.com.

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