Coming out of the closet made easier

With an ocean, a twenty-four-hour plane ride and a closet door separating him from his family and friends in Australia, College freshman Alec Webley was facing the frightening prospect of coming out without a clear support system.

Unsure of how to approach his friends and family "who had only known me as straight," Webley sought the help of the Queer Student Alliance's program for questioning and closeted students.

The confidential program was started three years ago by QSA, an LGBT advocacy student group, to address the needs of students like Webley. The monthly meetings are led by two QSA members, one male and one female, who tell their own stories about dealing with sexual orientation, coming out and getting involved with the LGBT community on campus, explained College sophomore and QSA Outreach director Anna Aagenes, who serves as one of the moderators.

"The most terrifying thing about being in the closet - and I know this from personal experience - is a sense of isolation," said Webley, who came out a few weeks into last semester.

The questioning events work directly to counteract that isolation by connecting students with QSA members who have "already been there," said LGBT Center Director Bob Schoenberg.

Engineering senior and former QSA Outreach Director Keith Mangam made use of an LGBT Center one-on-one mentoring program when he came out in his freshman year, but said he wished the QSA program had been around to help him transition because it provides a more informal discussion-based introduction to the LGBT community.

"It helps [questioning and closeted students] feel like they're not wrong, [and] they're not strange or weird," said Mangam, who ran the program last semester. "Having these discussions shows them they're actually very normal."

Attendance at the questioning events is usually small, but "it's definitely worth it" to help even one or two students who are struggling, said Aagenes.

It was enough to make a difference for Webley.

"I left the meeting feeling a lot happier and lot more comfortable with coming out to friends and family back home," he said.

Mangam said he counts Webley's newfound comfort with his identity and growing involvement in the greater LGBT community as one of the great success stories of the QSA questioning program.

Webley, who now serves as the Vice Chair for Political Affairs on Lambda Alliance, the umbrella organization for LGBT student groups, attributes much of his current involvement to that initial QSA meeting, where the "open and non-confrontational" environment encouraged him to attend other LGBT events.

"I realized I needed to get involved," Webley said.

For those less openly active than Webley, the QSA meetings establish a safe space for confidential conversation by holding events at undisclosed locations rather than at the LGBT Center, which is often stigmatized, explained LGBT Center Associate Director Erin Cross.

College senior Kevin Rurak, who helped jump start the QSA program as a former Outreach Director, explained that "gay by association is a big problem" for those who are unsure about their own identities.

"We are very interested in serving students at all points in the spectrum of self-realization and self-disclosure," Schoenberg said.

For Webley, this attitude is indicative of a broader trend on campus.

"It says a lot about Penn that we have programs like this, that we have this culture of tolerance," said Webley. "It makes me proud to be here."

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Pennsylvanian.