Mara Gordon | Finding the perfect person

I was almost beginning to think that Penn doesn't deserve its inferiority complex.

My fellow seniors and I have spent three and a half long years convincing ourselves that our Penn education actually is as good as our friends' at Harvard, Princeton and Yale.

We've proudly donned "Not Penn State" shirts; we've spent hours explaining that yes, Penn is part of the Ivy League. I had almost started to believe it. But this month came undeniable proof that Harvard actually is that much better. J.K. Rowling is their commencement speaker.

OK, perhaps that's not a real reason to be ashamed of our Penn diplomas. But when I get that degree in May, I sure hope that the commencement speaker is at least as cool as the genius behind Hogwarts.

Unfortunately, Penn hasn't had a great track record with commencement speakers in the last couple of years. James Baker? Let's be honest. He's one of those people you realize you probably should know of, but didn't until he came to speak at Penn. His speech was perfectly fine, but all those references to his good buddies Ronald Reagan and George Bush kind of rubbed me the wrong way. The year before, of course, Jodie Foster spoke. By almost all accounts, her speech ended up being very inspirational to the 2006 graduates.

But ultimately, everyone was asking the same question: Can't Penn get someone a little more important?

Seniors have plenty of suggestions for speakers who would make the cut. My roommates love the idea of a speech from afternoon talk-show divas like Ellen DeGeneres or Oprah. Comedians like Jerry Seinfeld or John Stewart are also popular choices. I've heard people suggest authors like Toni Morrison, Salman Rushdie or Ian McEwan. A writer like New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman or global health activist Paul Farmer would also make a great speaker. Entrepreneurs-turned-philanthropists like Bill Gates and Warren Buffet top the official list of suggestions from the class board, according to Senior class President Puneet Singh. The class board's shortlist - or, as Singh says, the "long list" - also includes Bill Clinton and Tony Blair.

"The last thing you want is making people feel like they need to protest at their own commencement," Singh said. "We're ambitious, optimistic . We want a speaker who represents that."

There are so many great thinkers out there whom I'd love to hear from before I head off into functional adulthood. So why does Penn keep getting duds? To find out, I sat down with University Secretary Leslie Kruhly, the mastermind behind Penn's commencement, to hear a little bit more about how the speaker is chosen.

First and foremost, Penn doesn't pay the speakers, a fact I think few seniors actually realize. According to Kruhly, most top-tier schools don't offer compensation. It's the universities without the same kind of Ivy League cache, she said, that shell out up to $50 grand to get the big names to address their graduates. The selection process begins almost two academic years before a particular speaker comes to campus. Students, faculty and staff can submit their suggestions to a University Council committee, but the decision is ultimately up to a group of University trustees. The most important criterion, unsurprisingly, is "achievement in their field," Kruhly said. The selection committee is looking for "role models" who haven't recently addressed "one of our competitive schools."

"We are looking to do it in a more exciting or a more interesting fashion," Kruhly continued. "Some of the names that we've had have been unexpected, true to the way that Penn approaches things."

That seems to leave lots of room for interpretation. Kruhly rightly pointed out that every speaker has critics, but she admitted that there have been winners and losers during her time at Penn. Jodie Foster may have raised questions, but Bono and Desmond Tutu - both of whom spoke at Penn in the last few years - were huge hits.

Her office is planning on announcing this year's choice some time next month. If you have ideas, though, save your breath - the entire lineup of honorary degree recipients has been solidified for months.

I'm trying to be optimistic. I know that Kruhly and the trustees have our best interests at heart. And if the last few years have done anything, at least they've set the bar low. As long as it isn't George W. Bush, I'll be proud to listen to whomever speaks to us this May.

Mara Gordon is a College senior from Washington, DC. Her e-mail is gordon@dailypennsylvanian.com. Flash Gordon appears on Wednesdays.

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