Rina Thomas | The helicopter-parents epidemic

We've been called a lot of unflattering things lately.

Some call us the millennial generation, a hyper-needy bunch. Put-upon college administrators are forced to acquiesce to our demands for bigger dorm rooms and fancier dining options. Thomas Friedman calls us Generation Q, the quiet Americans. He berates us for not demanding enough of our leaders. He wonders where our outrage has gone.

What a strange state of existence. We're both demanding and passive. Our generation is a Janus-headed beast, alternating between Veruca Salt and common doormat mode. Or, to evoke the teachings of the dearly departed Shatte, we're suffering from some major cognitive dissonance.

We need a scapegoat on whom we can dump our collective psychoses and neuroses. Let's just blame it on the parents. After all, that's what the media's done for years now.

There's been much talk of a new breed of parent - the helicopter parent who saps all independence out of collegiate children. These chronic micromanagers are always hovering anxiously. They pressure lawmakers to pass legislation on transfer credits, they haunt the Dean's doorstep to demand why their kid flunked a class and they complain about the high sodium content in the cafeteria chicken.

ABC News carried a story about a woman named Robyn Lewis who spends hours making to-do lists, monitoring grades and bank-account balances, and checking e-mail for her sons in college. Her progeny describe her affectionately as a "secretary mom."

Apparently, there are some of these helicopter types in the Penn parent population. Stories abound about parents in possession of PennKeys. Some of the more highly skilled master the art of Advance Registration for classes. One even installed hardwood floors in a Hill dorm room.

The College Office regularly fends off parental requests to give students daily wake-up calls to get up in time for class. The Dean of Freshmen and Director of Academic Advising has even received a call from a parent pretending to be a student.

"We frown upon that," said Janet Tighe. Her method of dealing with such incidents is to reiterate Penn's privacy policy and relay the parent's concerns to the student. In addition, cell phones, the long-distance umbilical cord, are prohibited in advising sessions.

This approach is surprisingly gentle. There was no mention of strong rebukes or blacklists for the most persistent parents. Isn't stronger action needed? After all, our sanity as a generation is at stake. We can't afford much more reputational damage.

"Everyone's in transition," says Tighe, "we recognize that it is a big investment of time, dreams and money."

Harrison House Dean Frank Pellicone is similarly understanding. "Parents think there's a lack of advocates for the students," said Pellicone, "so they jump into the breach."

Even though the University wants us to be "full-fledged, free-thinking individuals," Penn recognizes that parents will always worry.

However, helicopter parents should beware. Pushy strategies can sometimes backfire. One parent called Pellicone to get his kid into a residential-living program. Advice on what to write in the application essay was solicited on a daily basis. Naturally, the Harrison House Dean wondered if he actually wanted to deal with this parent for the next several years.

Plus, no University administrator wants to be a shrink. Pellicone has had to pacify parents bewildered by their offspring's outpouring of mistrust after they drove 500 miles to pay a surprise visit.

This whole helicopter-parent phenomenon may be overblown. I'm a senior, and my parents still don't understand what I'm majoring in. I spammed many listservs and interrogated many strangers on their parents' level of involvement in their lives. Most students didn't seem to have major complaints.

Tighe is skeptical about whether parental behavior has really changed. "Technology, especially cell phones," she said, "has made it appear more new than it is."

A more involved parent could even have some positive effects. The 2007 National Survey of Student Engagement, released this month, showed that students whose parents are in frequent contact with them and their college administrators are more satisfied with their college experience than their peers. They report higher levels of engagement and academic fulfillment.

So perhaps we must absolve the parents of responsibility for our generational quirks. How inconvenient for us. Then again, all that hype about the millenial generation probably contains as much truth as the hype about our parents.

Rina Thomas is a Wharton and College senior from New Orleans. Her e-mail address is thomas@dailypennsylvanian.com. The Gospel According to Thomas appears on Thursdays.

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