Rina Thomas | Negotiations: course from hell

I left my Negotiations class last week in a rage. I thought about taking on the Locust Walk squirrels in a brawl, but decided that the bloated bottom feeders would probably win.

Before any PETA members get up in arms, let me explain. I was provoked by the sight of future bankers behaving badly.

I have never subscribed to all the commonly held beliefs about the baseness of the Whartonite. I have great faith in the decency of the average student. So much faith, in fact, that I joined Wharton student government. We see ourselves as good fairies, spreading peace and harmony throughout Huntsman Hall. All in the name of building community.

But this may be irrational exuberance. Ever since stepping into my Negotiations class, I've been fighting off the barbarians at the gate. I've witnessed unspeakable acts of uncouthness. Will my dewy-eyed optimism survive the semester? I hope so, but the odds ain't looking good.

In Negotiations, students are assigned a specific role to play and performance is evaluated relative to others in the same role. In my opinion, this grading system is the root of all evil. The average student is transformed from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde.

Early in the semester, the professor administered a test of Machiavellianism. This measures how manipulative and self-serving an individual is by asking if the test-taker agrees with certain statements. For example, "It is safest to assume that all people have a vicious streak and it will come out when they are given a chance." When we received our results, there was audible rejoicing from some high-scoring students about the depth of their evil.

The holy book of Shell, with its extended discourse on ethics, is supposed to suppress these bad tendencies. It's entitled Bargaining for Advantage - Negotiation Strategies for Reasonable People. Right.

Armed with Shell and our newfound self-knowledge, we are sent forth to do battle against each other. Being conscientious students, we are careful to observe the proper stages of a negotiation.

First, we build rapport. We open with questions about each other's hometowns, majors and life ambitions. An honest exchange is essential to the success of the negotiation. This is called non-task communication.

It's an unwonted opportunity to learn more about your classmates than you ever wanted to know. One negotiating partner introduced himself and proceeded to regale me with tales of wild times in the big city. The highlight was hearing how he was propositioned by a McKinsey consultant.

When the awkward getting-to-know-each-other finally ends, the real bargaining begins. Offers are extended and rejected. The negotiators haggle and act overly theatrical. Eventually, both parties cave on certain key points. This is called making concessions.

One particularly fun case involved a house sale. The buyer confessed, with the greatest modesty, that he currently had the highest grade in the class. Receiving a score of zero, his agent informed me, was less odious to him than not receiving a perfect score. The charming lad walked out when I, the seller, rejected his disgustingly low offer for my five-bedroom California bungalow. I know how to play chicken too. I'd rather shoot myself in the foot than oblige such a delightful boy. Unfortunately, my heart was thawed by the fallen face of my good and faithful broker. How could I deny him his commission? I caved, much to the detriment of my GPA.

Finally, after the deal is struck, you should sigh heavily and let it be known that your counterparty is making out like a bandit. Loudly complain that others in his or her position didn't do nearly as well. Otherwise, you will never again see your partner across the bargaining table. This is called managing the counterparty's satisfaction.

You should not burst into your partner's group meeting in a Huntsman study room to do a victory dance and gloat. When I fixed one such offender with a death glare, he smiled and said, "I'm an asshole, aren't I?" I concurred and he retreated.

Do you see what this class does to people? The Forum-level showoff did redeem himself later by apologizing profusely. He was probably once a normal student before the class turned him into a cutthroat pirate.

Perhaps I am wrong to doubt the innate goodness of the Whartonite. Negotiations draws in a healthy number of College and Engineering kids who don't seem to be immune to the adverse effects. Maybe this class just unleashes the demon within, regardless of school or major.

If this is a Penn-wide phenomenon, then call the bishop. It's time for an exorcism.

Rina Thomas is a Wharton and College senior from New Orleans. Her e-mail address is thomas@dailypennsylvanian.com. The Gospel According to Thomas appears on Thursdays.

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