Mara Gordon | Working with 'The Rules'

It's what every 21st-century woman doesn't want to hear.

"The Rules - they actually work," a friend of mine told me over coffee last week, referring to the infamous dating book that teaches women to play games, be passive and above all, wait for him to call. It promises "time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right."

I was, of course, skeptical. We're independent women, about to graduate from an Ivy League school. We have no need for advice like, "The best way to encourage him to phone sooner is to turn him down . Hopefully, he will get the hint."

What? Nothing could be more illogical.

Just read the book, my friend told me. She gave me her trusty copy, which I left buried under a pile on my desk. After all, I had plenty more important things to read - like books for my feminist political theory class.

But The Rules came back to haunt me in the unlikeliest of places.

I went to a workshop on Monday that offered strategies for women on how to negotiate salaries comparable to men's. Organized by the Women Are Getting Even Project, the workshop was filled with empowered women.

And they all wanted "their million dollars" - the amount of money that the wage gap would cost them over a lifetime.

If you accept a lower salary, "you're prepared to accept a second-class life," said workshop organizer and WAGE Project head Evelyn Murphy.

Murphy spent the next three hours outlining tips for women in the workplace.

Stop blaming yourself. Set high standards. Play the field and never look desperate. And when negotiating your salary, never, ever make the first move - wait for them to name a starting price.

It sounded exactly like The Rules.

How could this be? Murphy was smart and authoritative, nothing like the housewives-in-training I imagined Rules girls to be. But as the workshop continued, Murphy's ideas seemed to make a lot of sense. Maybe I couldn't use The Rules in my love life, but it could be exactly what I need for my professional life.

So here are some suggestions for ambitious Penn women, courtesy of the most unlikely pair of sources: The WAGE Project and a dating book that guarantees "marriage, in the shortest time possible."

Rule #1: "Be a creature unlike any other." The Rules urges their disciples to appear busy, aloof and never too interested in a guy.

"You don't go to pieces when a relationship doesn't work out," the book reads. "You brush away a tear so that it doesn't smudge your makeup and you move on!"

Murphy says the same applies to the job hunt. You have great qualifications and plenty of options.

"You must be prepared to walk away," she said. "You are in a relative position of power, even if you don't think you are."

Rule #4: "Don't meet him halfway or go dutch on a date."

Rules girls are all about getting the guy to pay. If you follow this advice for your career, you'll be making so much you won't have to worry about it. Murphy recommends determining a minimum salary you will accept - then aiming higher. Don't ever "go dutch" with your employer.

Rule #14: "No more than casual kissing on the first date."

Rules girls only go further with guys who are in it for the long haul.

Likewise, women working their first job deserve to know if they're headed for a long-term commitment. Murphy recommends asking for regular salary reviews - and not being shy about asking for a raise.

Rule #19: "Don't open up too fast."

"Dating is not therapy," The Rules warns. "No man wants to hear how wrong or messed up your life has been."

When you negotiate the terms of your contract, heed the same advice. Need that signing bonus so you can visit your long-distance boyfriend in Australia? Don't even think about bringing it up.

Employers don't care about your personal problems, Murphy told us.

"What can you expect when you do The Rules?" the book reads. "The answer is total adoration from the man of your dreams."

I'm not sure the man of my dreams would be the type of guy who likes The Rules.

But the job of my dreams? Maybe I do need to sit at home and wait for it to call.

Mara Gordon is a College senior from Washington, D.C. Her e-mail is gordon@dailypennsylvanian.com. Flash Gordon appears on Thursdays.

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