Five Guys: A local answer to In-N-Out's burger reign

Oh, the woes of a local burger aficionado.

Near Penn, choices are slim for that most quintessential of American meals: On the one hand, beefy checks and relatively long waits are the norm at the Marathon Grills or Copabananas of campus, while on the other hand - McDonalds.

Why can't there be a compromise? Why can't there be a middle ground? Why must we choose between our wallets and our palates? Oh, Philadelphia, where is our In-N-Out? Where?

Well, at 16th and Chestnut streets, actually, though under a different moniker: Five Guys Famous Burgers and Fries.

The mid-Atlantic's version of that most highly regarded of West Coast chains, Five Guys prides itself on its fresh beef and its french-frying peanut oil. It's racked up plenty of accolades for its combination of diner decor, pretty cheap prices and upscale-tasting burgers - enough, in fact, that the store is practically wallpapered in laminated magazine and newspaper reviews.

Justly so, given that the Guys do make a great burger: thick, juicy, messy and satisfying in the way that only a big ol' burger can really be. The menu is pretty simple, with ham-, cheese-, bacon- and bacon-and-cheese-burger varieties ($4.29, $4.79, $4.79 and $5.29, respectively).

The list of toppings, though, is anything but simple. All the staples are available (think ketchup, mustard, pickles, etc.), and more exotic offerings are plentiful. Nothing in the blue cheese or caramelized onions tier, but jalapeno peppers-, mushrooms- and hot sauce-esque offerings abound.

All are free, of course, and, theoretically, the most intrepid of customers could utilize all 15 toppings at once to create the most insensibly flavored burger in the entire Delaware Valley. Godspeed.

Of course, there's other stuff on the menu, too, though that hardly matters.

There are little burgers, for one, though it's unclear whether having just one thick patty instead of two is enough to constitute "little" ($1.30 cheaper). The fries ($2.13 for a regular) are excellent, too, and they dump them not only into a styrofoam cup but into your actual bag, too, because eating loose fries is the most satisfying part of any fast-food experience. Finally, the store has ample supplies of malt vinegar, which is, honest to God, the best thing to put on a french fry in the world.

Oh, and free refills on soda ($1.59 for a regular, 'cause why get a large?), and free unshelled peanuts, too. Beat that, In-N-Out.

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