I left Heathrow airport wearing old jeans, a light jumper - Americans: read sweater - and a suede jacket. One flight later, I stumbled for a cab at Philadelphia airport in sizzling heat with a giant wedgie, dripping like a chicken on a spit roast. My first sartorial error: dressing like an Eskimo in heat high enough to induce nuclear fusion.
I adapted quickly: I jaunted around Philly in shorts and a PNC T-shirt, waiting for my adorable British accent to pay off. One night, I gave a girl a ham-fisted compliment on her dress.
"Oh, thanks," she said.
"Actually, I write about fashion for a magazine. [Pause.] I was wondering whether you'd tell me a bit about how other gay men dress."
I was flabbergasted. My second sartorial error: dressing like a drag queen to hit on girls.
I like dressing up. And so do you - don't think I haven't noticed. Locust Walk was a catwalk last week, streaming with girls in hot pants and boys with huge muscles in sleeveless vests.
I'm swooning - really.
But do you ever stop to wonder how you project your sexuality or how other people interpret what you wear? Penn is such a diverse place that I bet your gaydar malfunctions regularly. Others will often mislabel you too. In fact, you'd probably do best to turn off your gaydar.
Let me explain why.
I'm foreign - a Brit - and the idea of ankle-length "shorts" has not yet reached my crazy, little island.
When I'm not wearing my favorite tweed jacket and bow-tie, you'll find me strolling along Locust Walk in jeans that fit me, a button-up shirt that I sometimes tuck in and sneakers or brown leather shoes. At home, this is a neutral mode of dress.
So, I was surprised to learn that Americans are apt to label me as gay. Apparently, I even own a pair of "gay shoes," dark-brown, square-toed lace-ups with a low heel. I'm fond of these shoes: I think I look sharp in them.
But at Penn, guys look sharp for church, proms and - at a push - Commencement. At any other time, looking sharp means looking gay.
In America, it seems, gay men are stereotyped as wearing more expensive, stylish, tighter clothes. "If you show any sign of caring too much you're likely to be labeled as gay," said Curtis Rogers, a sophomore in the College.
Or you could be a European without a clue.
Or, perhaps, an Asian without a clue. Kayi Hui, a first-year graduate student in the Graduate School of Education, recalls flying back to Hong Kong one vacation to find that pencil jeans were the latest fad among heterosexual men. I can't imagine anything much tighter.
We're all into marketing. We're self-styled but we shop for identities too. The stalls on Locust Walk form an "identity mall" where we can buy a sense of belonging. However, many tokens of group membership, like my own, are culturally local. Students at Penn use diverse reference cultures to interpret what others wear and to signal sexual orientation.
If you can't do without your gaydar, maybe you can improve it. Psychology Today reports that the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia found that, "When gay and straight men and women sniff the underarm odors of others, gay men strongly prefer the smell of other gay men."
Bam! If in doubt, ask to sniff an armpit. It sounds like a great way to make friends.
In Pod one night, I noticed that in every couple or mixed group the guys looked shabby (including me, I confess, on this particular occasion) and the girls looked hot. I thought of Fred and Wilma Flintstone. I half-expected any one of the guys to jump on a table, yell "Yabba-Dabba-Doo!", rush outside to kill a squirrel and then take its place foraging for nuts.
It won't do - Fred needs to do better for Wilma.
It's a matter of style, not effort. Scarlett, my dear, do you all really believe that guys who look like they don't give a damn, actually don't give a damn?
American guys practice "studied ruggedness." They give themselves away by flip-flopping around in baggy shorts and T-shirts but with squeaky-clean toenails and clean-shaven, angular chins. All guys are self-attentive and if you try to pick out gay men on that score, you really ought to turn your gaydar off . please?
I really need a date this Saturday night.
Harry Lee is a second-year Economics Ph.D. candidate from Portsmouth, England. His e-mail address is lee@dailypennsylvanian.com. The Pondskater appears on alternating Wednesdays.
The Daily Pennsylvanian is an independent, student-run newspaper. Please consider making a donation to support the coverage that shapes the University. Your generosity ensures a future of strong journalism at Penn.
DonatePlease note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Pennsylvanian.
