Yuri Castano | Okay with being 'just an American'

I spoke the Spanish that I had grown up speaking to a waiter at a bar in San Miguel. During the course of the evening, I overheard him say to other patrons, "They're just Americans. Americans, Americans," referring to me and my group of friends.

From his comments, I quickly discovered that, despite my Mexican heritage and citizenship, I was just another American tourist to him. His resounding repetition of "Americans, Americans" seemed a little condemning too.

Traveling to Costa Rica for spring break gave me a new perspective on my identity, for better or for worse. I discovered that sometimes the person others perceive me to be is closest to the truth of who I am.

Negotiating my multiple ethnicities and Mexican and American nationalities is confusing. The ways in which I can define myself seem to be limitless. I don't know whether I'm Mexican, American, Mexican-American, American-Mexican, White-Mexican, or Hispanic-American.

In the end, I may be an American, just an American. That's not to say, however, that American identity can't include multinational experiences.

Costa Rica isn't Mexico, but it's part of Latin America. They speak Spanish, eat similar food, and are Catholic. Not having been able to return to Mexico for over 10 years, I imagined that visiting Costa Rica might be just a little bit like going home after a long hiatus.

The comments made by the waiter in San Miguel reaffirmed a suspicion that had been inching up on me since the moment I stepped out of the airport in San Jose. I was a tourist in a country that had nothing to do with me. Going to Costa Rica was nothing like going home.

Being isolated from your birth country for so long you forget a lot. In my case that means a lot of Spanish, a lot of customs, even the names of foods I used to love. Traveling to Cost Rica, it really hit me how distant from Latin America I had become. Things might be more familiar when I eventually return to Mexico. I have a hunch and a fear, though, that having been gone for so long, I just won't be able to relate.

I went to Costa Rica hoping to connect with my roots in Latin America, and I ended up feeling more American than ever. Arriving back in the United States, however, the desire to incorporate Mexican heritage into my identity remained as strong as ever.

"It kind of sucked because the wet T-shirt contests were all at the other hotel," said one Penn girl walking in front of me after our plane had landed in Philadelphia. My connector flight from Houston had picked up a crowd of Penn students returning from spring break across Latin America. This particular white and blonde Penn girl had just returned with some of her friends from Acapulco.

I've always gotten defensive when I hear about Americans going down to Mexico, usually Acapulco, to get really drunk and pour water all over their breasts.

However American I may have become, my connection to Mexico will never die so completely for me to ever be able to engage in that particular kind of tourism.

Multi-ethnic and multi-national people, including many Penn students, have varied experiences. My case is one in which separation and isolation from Mexico and Mexicans has led me to be absorbed into American identity.

American identity is fluid however; for me, it refers to a way of life specific to this country, but not a particular ethnicity or culture. I might not feel comfortable defining myself as a Mexican anymore - it's been so long - but labeling myself as an American doesn't negate my experiences in Mexico.

I was melted into the American way of life a long time ago, but I just realized it now. I am just an American, and when I travel to Latin America I will be viewed as just another American tourist.

At the end of the day, though, it feels good to come to terms with being American. When I stepped out of the airport in Philadelphia, I knew I was home.

Yuri Castano is a College sophomore from Mexico City, Mexico. His e-mail address is castano@dailypennsylvanian.com. Bringing the n Back appears on Wednesdays.

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