As I roll out of bed this morning, it's time to embark upon the most dreaded part of my day, at one of the scariest places on campus. No, I'm not referring to making the long trek to my 9:30 a.m. class or even walking around West Philly with a screwdriver-wielding criminal on the loose. This place is much more threatening, and a lot more sketchy: Welcome to the bathrooms in Hill College House.
They call our (first) floor "The Dungeon." Once you get past the bars on the windows, the stifling heat and the miniscule rooms, though, it's really not so bad. Except for the bathrooms. Allow me to give you a tour. Enter if you dare, at your own risk. And watch out for the cockroach in the corner!
First item on the agenda: brushing my teeth. This wouldn't be so difficult if two of the sinks weren't filled with murky, day-old water. When I find an acceptable sink, not only does water come out of the faucet, but also out of both handles. More water for me, I guess.
Next stop, using the bathroom. At any given time, only one of the stalls is clean or functional enough to be considered usable (I'll leave the descriptions to your imaginations). Washing your hands is always an adventure, as there is usually a shortage of soap, paper towels or both. This may be due to the massive, overflowing mountain of paper towels already in the trash can.
Finally, after surviving these first two obstacles, I am ready to take on the biggest challenge of all: showering. When it comes to selecting a shower, one must keep in mind certain criteria, and be ready to make some sacrifices. For instance, today, I decide I'd rather shower with cold water than with hot water, in the shower where I would be forced to wade in standing water, up to my ankles.
There are two types of showers. Some have tubs, while the others have crusty, tile floors. I like to call the tile ones "black holes." Most people pick the showers with the tubs, because they look less ominous. But one semester's experience has taught me the "black holes" tend to have wider curtains, better drains and warmer water.
With my toes curled up inside of my turquoise, Crocs sandals-touching the floor of the shower is out of the question - I carefully step inside, and close the curtain.
I use the term "close" loosely, as, in this particular shower, no matter which way you pull the curtain, it fails to adequately cover the shower, leaving an uncomfortably large gap on either side. In addition to its lack of coverage, the curtain also seems to have a life of its own. No matter how much I contort my body, the curtain seems drawn to me and makes multiple attempts to wrap around me, like I'm a magnet. I find myself engaged in a wrestling match with this disgusting piece of plastic, until it gets wet enough to stay in its proper position.
My goals are, as usual, 1) to minimize contact between my body and any part of the shower and 2) to get out as quickly as possible. I try not to look around, lest I see the used Band-Aid or the clump of tangled hair on the ground. It's difficult to see anyway, as the light bulb near the showers has been out for months. I throw away anything that so much as touches the floor.
My towel presents yet another problem. I could hang it on the designated towel hook, which is inconveniently located about a mile away from the shower. Instead I opt to drape it over the curtain-rod. Unfortunately, this means that by the time I am finished, my towel ends up soaking wet.
At last, not a moment too soon, I am ready to get out. The worst is over. Somehow, though, I don't feel as clean as I did before I started.
So I have to ask myself: Is this the best Penn, one of the nation's most prestigious universities, can do? We are paying nearly $50,000 per year for leaky faucets, clogged drains, standing water and dirty toilets. Our mothers would be appalled if they caught wind of these unsanitary conditions. I know mine was.
Rachel Weisel is a College freshman from Chesterfield, Missouri. Her e-mail address is weisel@dailypennsylvanian.com. Writes of Passage appears on Fridays.
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