Elizabeth Song | Give DRL a remodel or a wrecking ball

Penn could boost its endowment by renting out David Rittenhouse Laboratory as a low-budget movie set. The decor inside DRL just screams B-list horror flick. The scenarios of grisly and painful death one could concoct inside it are numerous.

Here's one example. An intruder enters the building and intends to blow up the Physics department. It wouldn't be too hard for him to sneak inside since no security guards are actually stationed at the entrance. The only obstacle would be that he cannot figure out where he's supposed to go. 2E9? 3C11E? What undecipherable gibberish is this? Is there a map somewhere in the building?

He stumbles down an unmarked stairwell and emerges into the dark underbelly of the building. The corridors are lined with tanks of liquid nitrogen and helium. Poof. Instant asphyxiation for our nameless intruder.

Sadly, this scenario exemplifies the security and maintenance problems with DRL. Annette Day, a librarian in the Math and Physics Library, said that the only elevator in the building has been broken for two months. "Elevator and disabled access are awful," Day said.

What could be worse than a Hollywood terrorist target and elevator death trap rolled into one unsightly package?

Last Thursday, I discovered that the women's restroom on the third floor of DRL actually houses a row of urinals. I thought I had accidentally wandered into to a men's restroom. I could only stare bemusedly as if I was contemplating Marcel Duchamp's glorified Dada urinal in the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

And don't forget the scary restrooms in DRL outfitted with red panic (read: rape) buttons the size of coffee coasters.

If David Rittenhouse had known that this lightless, cement prison on 33rd Street would be named in his memory, he would be turning in his grave.

Rittenhouse - the same Rittenhouse for whom trendy Rittenhouse Square is named - was a pioneering scientist and astronomer at Penn. In his memory, the University constructed DRL in 1954 to house the Math, Physics and Astronomy departments. The building also serves as a home for Multimedia Services and School of Arts and Sciences Computing.

Even after an expansion in 1967, however, DRL remains an eyesore. My writing seminar (which I dropped soon afterward) looked out onto a rooftop Japanese rock garden of leaky drainage pipes and weathered pebbles. A rumor even floated around that Penn bought DRL from that neighboring university we like to think doesn't exist - Drexel.

"It's the ugliest building on campus," College senior Rachel Pearlman said.

DRL does give off the vibes of a large public high school. Everyone uses it, and nearly everyone abuses it. No floor plans, no information desks and no security guards are in sight. Some classrooms suffer from lack of adequate air conditioning. The display cabinets on the ground floor don't seem to have changed since the building's conception. These features send the signal that there is nothing important in DRL.

Yet, this couldn't be further from the truth. The Math, Physics and Astronomy departments at Penn have done amazing things, including producing two Nobel Prize winners in physics and conducting groundbreaking mathematical research. Stuffing them into a hideous art-deco hybrid on the corner of 33rd and Walnut is insulting. It makes people feel as if they're being devalued by the University.

Just across the street, Skirkanich Hall, which seems like it was built solely to embarrass poor DRL and celebrate Engineering's ascent over the College, is celebrating its long-awaited completion.

Continuing to renovate DRL is simply dumping money into a hole. We deserve a building on par with sleek, modern Annenberg or stately Fisher-Bennett. The morning commute to DRL can be a headache for students who live near 40th Street and must walk seven blocks to get to class. "I would be more comfortable taking a math class in a nicer and more inviting building." said Pearlman.

Penn can no longer depend on run-down buildings to attract prospective students or recruit award-winning faculty. Tear down DRL or start wooing the Hollywood studios, which can take full advantage of its shabby condition.

Elizabeth Song is a College sophomore from Clemmons, N.C. Her e-mail address is song@dailypennsylvanian.com . Striking a Chord appears on Thursdays.

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