Beijing's a seat and a meal, and that's enough

This is a takeout campus, not a restaurant campus. We've got Qdoba, the Greek Lady and food trucks galore. You can sit down at some of these places, but they're not restaurants; no one comes to your table to take your order, and you don't leave a tip.

This is the only explanation that springs to mind for why Beijing, around 37th and Walnut, can do what so many other places do, but for $4 or $5 more. If you want to eat lunch and forget about it, go to Saladworks (but avoid the spinach). If you want to sit down, be waited on and feel like a member of society instead of a walking food hole, you can go to Beijing.

The atmosphere at Beijing is notable for not existing. Aside from the standard Chinese zodiac paper placemat, if you were alone there and hadn't ordered, you might be hard-pressed to prove you were in a Chinese restaurant. There's no background music, and the few pieces of wall decor are so neutral that I looked right at them and now don't remember what they were. They're not selling an experience; they're selling cheap Chinese food.

Lunch items are in the $6 to $9 range. Dinner items are a few dollars more expensive, as are the chef's specialties on the back of the menu. The most expensive item by far is the Peking (Beijing?) duck dinner for two, clocking in at over $30. All the fare is standard Chinese, with a few exceptions, among them the squid.

The food is fine and unremarkable, like the setting. It's a meal. The only thing I found that I wouldn't necessarily have expected was that my shrimp and garlic sauce had, in addition to the usual vegetable medley, that tough seaweed in it. I don't care what anybody says; it's not food.

Service is quiet and polite. Dishes arrive as they are ready, not when you are finished with whatever you were eating. Patrons are apparently placed at the large window first if spots are available, which makes you feel like you're in a fishbowl; to complete the picture, someone I know came by and tapped on the glass as I ate. I resisted the urge to follow his finger.

I suppose Beijing is technically a BYO. They give you water and tea for free, but by all means BYO drink. I BMO Wawa fruit punch. If anyone asks you to share, say, "GYO!"

All the members of the staff wear a navy blue shirt that says "Beijing at Penn" in English and Chinese. If you want to feel like you work there too, for some unthought-of reason, you can buy one - $8 for a T and $11 for a long-sleeve.

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