Cezary Podkul: Secrets that take four years to learn

Back in the stone age, when I was a freshman, one of the first things that Penn sent me was a copy of Practical Penn - a handy guide to life on campus. It reminded me of that time when my parents handed me a book on sex. It had lots of great pictures, but it didn't tell me any of the good stuff. So put away your Practical Penn and take some hints from a fifth-year senior who has overpaid for everything from food to furniture for more than four years: Here is my guide to the best-kept secrets at Penn: Best place to get a haircut: Don't overpay for mediocre haircuts at Joseph Anthony or Campus Barber. Put on your walking shoes and take a hike down to 43rd and Walnut streets. There you'll find a place called Makkah Market. There's a little door next to the entrance to the market that leads upstairs to a barber shop. It is hands down the best haircut I've had while at Penn, and it will only set you back $9. Tip them well, though - they deserve it. And while you're there, check out the food market downstairs where you'll find a wide selection of Middle Eastern food on sale at a bargain. Best place to stock up on cheap food: Walk down Walnut, show Fresh Grocer the middle finger, and take the subway down to 46th and Market, where you'll find Aldi. At Aldi, you'll find brand-name and generic products at huge discounts in comparison to Fresh Grocer. You can stock up on noodles, cans of soup, frozen foods and drinks - not to mention paper towels, toilet paper and other practical items on the cheap. Freshest vegetables at best prices: Granted, though, Aldi isn't the best place to buy fruits and vegetables. So on your way back, stop by the back parking lot of Supreme Supermarket at 44th and Walnut, where, on any weekday morning, you'll find a truck selling a wide variety of fresh fruits and vegetables in bundles for $1 each. Best place to get cheap furniture and Halloween costumes: While you're in the neighborhood, make your way down to 45th Street between Locust and Walnut streets. There you'll find West Philly's most famous thrift store, the Second Mile. I got an armchair there for $16, and one of my friends negotiated a couch down to $20. Cash only. And when it's time for Halloween, check out their clothes racks for old military uniforms, hats, pimp canes and everything else you need to avoid being just one of the 1,200 Penn students who dress as gynecologists. Best beer at the best price: Every Sunday through Thursday, from 10 p.m. until midnight, White Dog Cafe - 3420 Sansom St. - sells all its brews for $2 a pint. Usually they go for $5-6 a pint, so it's quite a savings. And if, like me, you also enjoy beer that actually tastes great while getting you drunk, you will surely appreciate their tasty, unique beer selection. Best hangover food special: Stumbling home drunk from White Dog? Feeling hungry? Don't head into McDonald's or Philly Diner. Instead, head into Fresh Grocer for the one and only thing that it does well: the midnight special. Every day at midnight, Fresh Grocer puts on sale $2 portions of food that it couldn't sell the day before, from Mac-n-Cheese to pizza. It's a great way of satisfying your hangover crave on the cheap. Best place to get your dry cleaning done: Take a walk down to the intersection of 39th and Sansom. There you'll find Curley's Dry Cleaners, which has the best prices and best turn-around time of anywhere on campus. You can get your suit cleaned for as little as $8 and pick it up the next day. Best thing to do while at Penn: Explore your neighborhood. West Philadelphia is anything but a ghetto. You are merely blocks away from million-dollar homes, five-star restaurants and an eclectic mix of ethnic food stores and shops - all west of 40th Street. There is no neighborhood more livable in all of Philly, so live it, love it and share the secrets. Best place to get photocopies: Did you know that our friends in the Huntsman program get a lot of free perks that you and I don't? Well, it is time to share the wealth. Next time you need to photocopy, print or send a fax for free, have your Huntsman friends take you to the program office and get your fair share of free perks.

Cezary Podkul is a College senior from Franklin Park, Ill. His e-mail address is podkul@dailypennsylvanian.com.

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