Whine, Bitch, Moan: Letters

This is for real

To the Editor:

I have a dog named Buffy and she is a girl dog. She goes out and she finds a boy dog and they fall in love and she has puppies. She knows she's a girl dog and he knows he's a boy dog. All anyone has to do is look down their pants to find out what God made them to be. If they can't figure that out, they have less sense than my dog Buffy!

Is homosexuality natural? Is it normal? Then it must be unnatural and abnormal. The problem isn't between their legs, it is between their ears. It is a mental choice that can be reversed so as to return to the normal and natural human being that God created them to be in the first place. What ever happened to common sense?

Thank you for your fair and balanced regard for my opinion.

Rick Mathes

This letter is, in fact, real. No joke.

Vagina haters

To the Editor:

Your blatant censorship of important topics like female sex toys offends my vagina and the vagina of every other Penn female.

If Fluffy, my vagina, could talk to you, it would first spit in your face. And then it would give the following monologue:

"Why is The Daily Pennsylvanian run by such vagina haters?

Are you scared of this word?

V-A-G-I-N-A

Do you not like the smell, or the taste?

Or is it that you oppose feminism and would rather have me cooking your dinner barefoot in the kitchen?

Maybe it's because you haven't been getting any vagina lately?

Whatever may be the reason, you're all a bunch of dicks. I think Fluffy's right. Don't maintain the Static Quo."

Kuhn O'Lingus

Former female

This letter is, in fact, a joke.

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