Awful past, uncertain future

Apparently, being able to ride exotic animals is the only qualification for becoming Harvard University's next president.

And good riddance. The Gutmann administration had gone on far too long anyway.

In the last two years, we've gotten trounced in the NCAA tournament twice. And last winter, Gutmann was busy in Asia riding an elephant while kids were getting shot. There's a good chance Gutmann was drunk when she introduced Martin Sheen last year. At least, that's what he told us. She went to all the basketball games, but she was more a streak of bad luck than anything else.

Honestly, Harvard, you could have done better. Taking sloppy seconds is so typical of Harvard students. She'll only be there for a year until she bounces to Oxford anyway.

At least go for a real Penn president.

The Hackney years were full of joy, spare that one damn water buffalo incident. And Judith Rodin took this school to a whole new level -- if all you care about is rankings and taking over West Philly.

Amy, it was fun while it lasted. As a goodbye present, we've compiled a list of suggestions for the next president:

- Someone black

- Bill Clinton. He doesn't do much these days

- A cast member of the Vagina (or, in the spirit of equality, Penis) Monologues

- Mrs. Bui

- Penn professor Richard Summers (Larry's kid brother)

- Speaking of guys named Richard, Simmons could slim the campus down

- As the University expands east, why not a president from the Far East? Half the school's Asian anyway. We're thinking Jackie Chan

- The guy at the front desk of College Hall

- Gov. Rendell. The guy is here 24/7 anyway

Hopefully they'll choose a president this time that won't blow away in the wind. And so much for the Penn Compact. That was a load of crap anyway.

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