Don't be a drunk freshman

Drunk freshmen are my collective undoing. They're the group you want to hate, but you can't, because you were one. Maybe you still are.

They do annoying things, like hang out at parties in groups of 16 and talk about "that one time! I was so wasted!" They flirt -- awkwardly and shamelessly, -- while heading to the keg every five minutes and puking their guts out on the carpet where all of their equally drunk friends walk through it and shriek. They write about being drunk on their friends' Facebook walls.

Everyone has their own story to tell about drunk freshmen.

To College junior Ron Booker, drunk freshmen are like an endless congo line.

"Last year at my birthday party, this group of like 12 freshmen just randomly rolled in, finished off the alcohol and rolled out," he remembers sadly.

Wharton senior Megan Birdsill thinks of them more as beer-seeking missiles attracted to bright lights and loud music.

"I was at a trance party the other night and everyone was dancing," she says. "This group of freshmen walked in, looking utterly confused. After a minute my friend accurately diagnosed the problem: 'There's no beer here!' he yelled. They all turned and walked out."

Of course, not all drunk freshmen are freshmen.

Some are sophomores, some are juniors, some are seniors and some are (god forbid) alumni back for homecoming weekend. But mostly they are freshmen.

According to a recent survey of college students conducted by Bellarmine University, freshmen are much more likely to binge-drink than upperclassmen. Furthermore, consumption of alcohol declines each year a student is in school. While freshmen average 6.1 drinks per week, seniors average only 5.4.

College junior Ryan Hayward is not surprised by such data, admitting that he drank more frequently his freshman year. Adds Hayward, "You know you're not a freshman when you're no longer waking up to IMs from your friend asking you if you remember [making] out last night, and you don't."

Nothing spells herpes like random makeout sessions, and -- not surprisingly -- the thrill of drunken debauchery generally wears off as students mature.

Explains College senior Caroline Rothstein, "there's a clear distinction between freshmen who come to college having previously consumed alcohol and those who have never been exposed to it before. More often than not, it's those previously unexposed that end up abusing alcohol or relying on it to control their social life."

Engineering freshman Andrew Rubin agrees.

"Some people here are pretty sheltered, and the lack of knowledge and drinking experience causes people to go overboard," he says.

Of course, college provides a relatively safe haven for students to experiment with alcohol with few serious consequences. Most underage drinking at the University is unnoticed or overlooked by police.

In the case of an emergency, the Vice Provost for University Life grants medical amnesty to students who are dangerously intoxicated to ensure proper healthcare. Administrators do not even notify a student's parents of drinking violations except in the case of serious misconduct or repeat offenses.

Such reprieve is pretty sweet, and I highly encourage all freshmen to have their beer and drink it too (because what good is beer that you can't drink?). At the same time, however, it is important for students to realize that such circumstances do not exist post-graduation.

Getting ridiculously hammered and singing karaoke while bumping and grinding at a fraternity party is perfectly normal. Doing the same at your corporation's holiday party might get you fired, or at least cause some very awkward tension the next morning at the water cooler.

Thus, learning to manage one's alcohol intake is preparation for the real world, where excessive imbibing is generally frowned upon.

Finally, many upperclassmen cut back on alcoholic shenanigans when they learn that being totally wasted can act as a deterrent to possible suitors who don't have a fetish for slurred speech or vomiting.

As College junior Dave Nagdeman points out, "obnoxiously drunk freshman girls strip themselves of not only their self-respect and clothing but the possibility of a serious relationship with classy bachelors such as myself."

They don't know what they are missing out on.

Kate Bracaglia is a junior English major from Basking Ridge, N.J. e-mail is . Static Quo appears on Wednesdays.

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