The balance of gender power

My earliest memory of the word "feminism" takes me back to sixth or seventh grade, those years when the only thing more important than being accepted was having the latest scented Victoria Secret body lotion.

Life was about football games, Friday nights and innocent flirtation. One day before homeroom, we discussed our science teacher, Ms. Brown, who wasn't married and wore her hair short. "I heard she's a feminist," one of the boys said, screwing up his face like he just sucked on a lemon. "I don't believe in feminism." I said matter-of-factly. "Yeah I'm definitely not a feminist," said another of my female friends.

To this day, I struggle to understand the specific root of our ignorant convictions. How, at such a young age, had we already learned the dance of agree and impress?

It wasn't until late high school that I started to wear the badge of feminism with pride.

"I believe in a woman's right to choose," I would say to anyone who would listen. When I spoke of this I meant it in every sense of the word. It was about living with the freedom that any marginalized group desires, the freedom to follow a self-written set of rules. I felt that I and the women around me were lucky enough to have this freedom and were thus responsible for sharing it.

Now I often wonder if I was being idealistic. Browsing the bookstore a few days ago, I stumbled upon Maureen Dowd's new release, Are Men Necessary? I pored through pages of her "diligent notes" of our "gender perplexities." Her opinion about the state of things made me wonder if we are in as much control as we would like to think.

Consider relationships -- if you can call them that -- on college campuses. Dating trends have changed so much that even an old-school guy like Tom Wolfe is writing about it. A friend of Dowd's who teaches at an unidentified Ivy League institution told her about the "mass confusion caused by the uneasy blend of retro attitudes about dating with modern sexual freedom."

"These extremely powerful girls outperform boys all day in class ... and on Thursday and Saturday nights they drink a bunch of pregame vodka shots with their friends, because they're actually a little scared to go out into the meat market. Initially they have tremendous power, cruising the clubs... but all of a sudden, at about midnight or 1 a.m., the power begins to shift to the boys, where it stays till 3.a.m. The girls get looped and sloppy, and the boys now have the physical power."

Although this analysis is an extreme -- I hope -- and comes from one person's observation, we can all recall moments where we have seen or even experienced a similar situation. If you haven't, just post up outside Smokes on a Thursday or Friday or Saturday ... or Tuesday or Wednesday night.

Is Dowd right? Have women really gone from "playing with Barbie to denouncing Barbie to remaking themselves as Barbie?"

When I asked a young cousin of mine what she thought about feminism she responded with the following definition after a long pause: "Being a woman, having power, feeling that you don't need the male gender to make decisions." I then asked her if she considered herself a feminist. "... to an extent" she said. "... because I don't think I'm against guys ... I just don't feel that I need one to survive. I have my own opinions and I don't let them control me. I control them."

I held back my desire to scream "You go girl!" -- how very '90s of me -- and took care to explain to her that feminism has nothing to do with being "against" guys. I also let her know that I was impressed with her answer, one leaps and bounds above what the younger version of myself would have said.

When Glamour magazine interviewed Maureen Dowd about her new book, she voiced her concern about women today. "Women are reshaping the world, but now it's hard to find one who wants to talk about anything other than skin and guys."

Though I understand her concern, I must say I do not fully agree. On Penn's campus alone, we are taking plenty of time to recognize and uplift ourselves. From events hosted by groups like the Women in Leadership Series, Women in Thought and the Trustees Council of Penn Women, to smaller productions like my recent Oprah's favorite things party, female culture, without men, exists and is only getting stronger.

I value Dowd's insights because she shows us where we have been, where we don't want to be, and where we can go. I urge the Penn community to stand up for feminism. When it comes to the fight for choice, both men and women are necessary.

Titilola Bakare is a senior English major from Harrisburg, Pa. Notes from the Underground appears on Thursdays.

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