Don't get sick on Sunday

You've probably seen the Office of Health Education's posters. They hang in dorm hallways, colored green and pink and purple, reminding students to maintain the proper lifestyle. They advise as follows:

"Sleep. Ask Us Why."

"Wash Your Hands. Ask Us Why."

"Relax. Ask Us Why."

No doubt, these are vital messages. In fact, just yesterday, while I wrote this column and contemplated the essays I hadn't yet written, I nearly forgot to relax. That is, until I remembered those four powerful words.

Relax. Ask Us Why.

But I'd like to suggest another poster to the Office of Health Education -- a poster almost as crucial as those that recommend hand-washing. It would read something like this: "Don't Get Sick. On Sundays."

Why?

I'm glad you asked. Before this semester, Student Health Service decided it would no longer be open on Sundays. Dr. Evelyn Weiner, Student Health's director, said she made the move because statistics showed fewer students visit Student Health on Sunday than any other day.

"The question is not just should we be open, but what is the cost of making sure students don't have to go the emergency room," she said, referring to the ER of the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania. That's where Student Health tells students to go for treatment on Sunday, if they can't wait until Monday.

"The question is: what number of students are going to benefit from opening Sunday and what is the cost to the entire student body?"

Weiner said very few students would benefit from opening Sunday, since most of those who used to visit on Sunday had "non-urgent conditions that could wait until Monday."

Three months ago, I had conditions I felt could not wait until Monday. I had a fever, and I couldn't swallow or stop coughing up kibbles and bits of somewhat bloody phlegm. All of which is to say that I didn't know whether my conditions were "urgent." I called Student Health on a Saturday evening, and the physician "on call" informed me that they had closed at 4:30. But, she said, I could go to the hospital's emergency room.

"If you're on call, can I please just see you instead?" I asked.

"I told you no already. Just relax and go to the emergency room tomorrow."

"But this might not be an emergency," I said.

"We're closed."

"Pleeease?"

"We're still closed."

I didn't know medicine and I didn't know what constituted "urgent." All I knew were the kibbles and bits before me. Besides, feeling as crappy as I did, I couldn't willingly preclude myself from seeking treatment for another day.

Long story short: I went to the emergency room and waited three and a half hours to see a doctor who twice refused to administer a throat culture and finally sent me off not with antibiotics, but with a pack of generic Percocet -- an opium-derived painkiller.

Given my symptoms, I couldn't understand why I needed legal dope. Then I received the $810 hospital bill.

This is super relaxed, I thought. For a day.

When I woke up, I realized what the doctor on the phone had neglected to tell me: The Student Health fee of $111 per semester doesn't cover hospital visits. In fact, the hospital and Student Health have nothing to do with each other. They're two completely separate operations.

So by closing on Sunday and forcing students to the ER, Student Health has effectively shifted the cost of treatment from all students to just those who get sick on Sunday. Which seems pretty fair initially, but less so when you consider that the hospital charges exponentially more than Student Health.

Students who get sick on Sunday could wind up paying seven times what they would on Monday. Not to mention that doctors dealing with gunshot wounds understandably can't spend time on coughing students.

But remember: it's all about cost-benefit. And at most, only 340 students will visit the ER during the weekend this year, according to Weiner. When I asked her whether she had considered teaming with the hospital to subsidize students' expenses there, she said she hadn't.

"It's not part of the discussion," she added. Also not part of the discussion, at least for now, is opening again on Sunday. "We consulted with students in making this decision," Weiner said.

So this flu season, posters should warn students of the perils of the ER.

"Don't get sick on Sunday," they should read. "Ask Student Health Why."

Gabriel Oppenheim is a College freshman from Scarsdale, N.Y. Opp-Ed appears on Fridays.

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