There goes the neighborhood

Maybe it's just a trick to keep the New Yorkers out, but sometimes it seems like the city of Philadelphia is hell-bent on sabotaging itself. While we're still licking our wounds and sharpening our claws after a New York Times article painting the city as the "sixth borough," we're also still considering turning the Benjamin Franklin Parkway into a raceway. Because, really, that's the aesthetic we were going for in the first place. Plus, the alterations, such as widening the road by 10 feet in some areas, will certainly make it all the more pedestrian-friendly.

But what really convinced me that Philadelphia must have a penchant for self-destruction was when it decided to become home to not one, but two, casinos. While touring the 11 potential sites last week, Mayor John Street actually said, "Tastefully done, this could be great for our city." Emphasis on the tastefully.

It's possible to dismiss him as another politician blinded by the thought of hitting the jackpot and having his own triple sevens line up between the paylines. But if he really is that delusional, he's not the only one. Earlier this summer The Philadelphia Inquirer noted rather optimistically that Philadelphia casinos would probably not be of the Las Vegas style, but rather in the "understated" manner of St. Louis and Louisiana casinos -- as if casinos, by definition, can ever be understated affairs.

I'm from St. Louis, so I can assure you that our riverboat casinos along the Mississippi are pretty cute. But the quaint little faux steamboats aren't what we'll be getting here in Philly. No, in all likelihood we'll end up with venues much more like St. Louis' infamous "boats in moats" off of the St. Charles River.

Those casinos, like the most promising of Philly's locations, have the main appeal of being really, really close to an interstate highway. With easy highway accessibility, the casinos will hopefully attract many customers from outside the city limits. (After all, it would be difficult to call sucking quarters out of the pockets of Philadelphia residents alone much of a net gain.)

In such a setup, casino architecture has one, and only one, rule of thumb: make it absolutely impossible for anyone, even the most narcoleptic of strung-out truckers, to miss the exit. One moat boat off of the St. Louis section of I-70 achieved this effect by perching a giant, glowing, neon-yellow sphere on top of its hotel building. Another, competing for the very same exit, built a giant Soviet bloc-style parking garage from which it could hang its enormous sign, imported straight from the Vegas strip. Neither facade could ever be described as "low-key," that's for sure.

Unsurprisingly, Philadelphia's Gaming Advisory Taskforce took note of what is working elsewhere. Here are two possible sites. One, the Adam's Mark hotel off of I-76 and Route 1, was promoted heavily by professional optimism-pusher Pat Croce. Despite all his can-do spirit -- as well as a (surprisingly legal) private meeting with Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board member Joseph Marshall -- the property owners wouldn't sell, and City Councilman Michael Nutter told Croce he would've met "significant community opposition" anyway. (People might not want a slot-machine casino across the street from their apartment building? Who would've thought?!)

The departure of the Adam's Mark location leaves the Penn's Landing site off of I-95 on the top of the list. It's certainly true that the city has been trying to revitalize the area for a few years now with all sorts of recent and planned additions. If I were a betting girl, I'd take the odds on Penn's Landing housing at least one of the casinos. Nothing could possibly destroy a scenic waterfront better than a Trump casino.

So maybe Philadelphia isn't set on self-sabotage so much as it has a tendency to sign up for things without really knowing what exactly it's getting itself into. Do we really want to bring a giant, neon-yellow sphere into the neighborhood? St. Louis' boats in moats might have been hideous, but at least they weren't shining into anyone's bedroom window.

Amara Rockar is a junior political science major from St. Louis. Her e-mail address is arockar@sas.upenn.edu. Out of Range appears on Tuesdays.

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