Relentless pursuit of perfection

Though Penn is known as the "social Ivy," most Penn students are far from laid back. We don't live life, we win life. We are not classic overachievers. We strive to be well-rounded, in the true spirit of a liberal-arts education. Getting the best GPA is only the beginning. A top Penn student is also popular, attractive, athletic and involved, as well as being a tireless weekend warrior.

Penn women are the worst culprits. We have convinced ourselves that we must be the most beautiful, the most coveted, the smartest, the fittest and the most hard-core party girl in order to be successful. At that point and at that point only will we experience the sublime feeling that makes it all worthwhile: perpetual happiness. Until then, we do what any woman does when she doesn't get what she wants. We fake it.

This obsession gets to the point where expressing unhappiness is like waving a white flag in surrender. Admit failure? Never! Even among the closest of friends, conversations often revolve around exuberant and unrealistic expressions of bliss. Every weekend was "soooo fun!" Every interview went "soooo well!" Every grade was "soooo good!" Even the most "real" girls feel the pressure, and before you know it, another batch of pretenders is born.

Should anyone doubt the happy girl's authenticity, she has a number of handy tools at her disposal. Number one on the list? The away message. Nine times out of 10, the average Penn girl's away message is an exclamation-point-ridden, overly detailed description of exactly where she is and how unbelievably awesome a time she is having there. Even something as mundane as a day spent studying is a treat in her world. She is never just at the library. She's "At the library!"

This facade is wreaking havoc on the integrity of our relationships. Who says we have to be happy all the time? It's a ridiculous notion, and it's bound to end in what has come to be known as "the burnout."

Here is a real conversation I overheard at Houston Hall (all names have been changed):

"Hey, how's Emily? I haven't seen her in, like, forever!"

"Ohmygod you haven't heard? She totally burned out. She's taking a semester off."

"No way! ... That is soooo sad! She seemed to have it so together!"

As it turns out, no one has it "so together." Arthur Ciaramicoli, a clinical psychologist and Harvard Medical School lecturer, penned the 2004 release Performance Addiction: The Dangerous New Syndrome and How to Stop it from Ruining Your Life. Ciaramicoli describes performance addicts as "those who believe that achieving status and perfecting one's appearance are the only ways to secure love and respect." For these people, life is like a workout on the StairMaster. No matter how many steps they take, they never get anywhere.

I'm not suggesting that every Penn student suffers from performance addiction or that we shouldn't be happy. I simply feel that this is the time to assess ourselves. Old habits die hard, and the ones we develop now are going to stick with us for the rest of our personal and professional lives.

Take Ari from HBO's show Entourage. For those of you who have been living under a rock, Ari is the high-profile Hollywood agent of the show's star, Vincent Chase. Though he is arguably the funniest character on the show, there is something sad about the way Ari's work-driven attitude affects his family. In a recent episode, he interrupted the proceedings of his daughter's Bat Mitzvah in order to keep Vince from engaging in a conversation with a rival agent. No matter how hard he tries, Ari is incapable of flipping off his work switch. Is that how you see yourself in 20 years?

If not, never fear, the solution is simple. We've just got to learn to embrace that inner humanity. At the end of the day, it's all we really have. Just look at Martha Stewart's new live show! If she can live with an on-screen spill or two, anyone is capable of lightening up. Hard time isn't necessary to learn this lesson. You'll find that once you let go of the need to have it all, it all comes naturally. And that's a good thing!

Titilola Bakare is a senior English major from Harrisburg, Pa. Her e-mail address is titilola@sas.upenn.edu.Notes from the Underground appears on Thursdays.

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