There really is a free lunch

Five dollars and 80 cents.

That would be the total cost of my food purchases last week. One medium cup of Wawa coffee times five days. That's it.

I didn't start a new diet to fit into my Oscar dress. I didn't catch a new strain of the Norwalk virus. And I didn't eat varieties of Ramen three times a day. Rather, I spent last week testing a simple hypothesis. Would it be possible for a Penn student to survive an entire week eating only free food?

The answer is a resounding yes. If you are what you eat, I am now an English major, a political science major, a French major, an engineer, a Wharton student, gay, Jewish, Italian, a Benjamin Franklin Scholar, a Med School student, an Anthropology grad student and a resident of five college houses.

Not only did I find out that there is such a thing as a free lunch at Penn, there's free dinner and breakfast too. And anyone can do what I did, because all of these events were open to the public. No one questioned me. In fact, all of my meals could be found on the Penn Calendar or on signs around campus. Many times the amount of food ordered far exceeded the number of people who showed up. Believe it or not, I ate larger portions and better food last week than I had in months.

Before the week began, I set a few ground rules. First, I would eat pizza once and only once. Free pizza is more readily available than clean tap water on this campus. Eating only pizza would be too easy and really gross. Second, if food was served at a lecture, I would stay and listen to the lecture. It's not nice to eat and run, as my mom would say. Lastly, if I couldn't find a meal, I would go hungry.

At some meals, I found an entire underground network of free-food eaters trolling Penn lectures for tasty treats. On Tuesday at a BFS lunch lecture on the HIV retrovirus and protein inhibitors, I discussed future edible events with Rong Hu, a Engineering sophomore. "Are you going to the M&T; breakfast tomorrow?" she asked me.

"Yeah, I'll be there," I replied as I tackled a large spread of Chinese noodles and shrimp. "Know of any others?"

Indeed, there are many others, and there are many students going to these events solely for the food. I found Ana Crespo, an Engineering senior, at a potluck lunch in Levine Hall on Wednesday, shortly after the M&T; networking breakfast. She said that if a lecture is "serving good food, I'll definitely go for the food. If they have pizza, probably not."

Some of my friends falsely assumed that I would only be able to find pizza this week. Though I did eat pizza with Stefan De Clercq's floor on Monday night, I ate a variety of foodstuffs, from Izzy and Zoe's deli meats at the LGBT center to a boxed Au Bon Pain wrap, cookie and drink at the Friday Fox Leadership luncheon to Engineering junior Noelia Pacheco's homemade rice dish at the Engineering potluck.

I went to Casa Italiana, in Gregory College House, where students practice Italian language skills on Monday nights for credit while enjoying chocolate, strawberries and Nutella. I didn't understand a word but very much enjoyed the tea. I learned how to write grant requests, how to be a better leader in the business world, why the HIV gene induces apoptosis in tumor cells and how the definition of the word queer has changed over the past 15 years.

I hobnobbed with house deans and professors, students and senior fellows. I realized that wherever Amy Gutmann goes, food is sure to follow. And I lost weight -- not from a lack of eating but from the distances I had to travel to actually forage for nutrients instead of popping some leftovers in my microwave. For anyone looking to lose a few pounds while eating really good food, I would highly recommend the Penn free-food diet.

My free-food week ended at College freshman Ellen Fraint's Shabbat Across Penn dinner on Friday night. Sitting around a large table with 20 friends, I was reminded of Hasia Diner's lecture on Wednesday at Hillel, where I enjoyed mini latkes and blintzes. Diner (what an appropriate name for a food researcher) said that "food marks group membership. After all, the word companion means 'someone with whom you eat bread.'"

At Penn, there are many groups more than willing to share their bread. And it tastes a helluva lot better than Ramen.

Melody Joy Kramer is a junior English major from Cherry Hill, N.J. Perpendicular Harmony appears on Wednesdays.

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