Gotta get back in time

I don't love the '80s.

To many, this makes me a pariah, and I am shunned as if I were a Penn senior who doesn't flock to Feb Club events (which I am). People seem to love the '80s either because they lived through it during their teenage years, and therefore don't know any better, or because they love the easy escapism that the cheesy, over-the-top spirit of the age can provide. Going down Locust Walk, looking at hundreds of fine arts and English majors grimly determined to parley their studies into a prestigious investment banking job, I can understand the goofy solace people find in ponytails that come out of the side of your head and matching neon socks and sweatbands.

Interestingly enough, a source more credible than the incoherent ramblings of my inner monologue (but just barely) has noticed something similar. This weekend's New York Times has a feature about the '80s revival that is currently going on in the music world. However, according to the article, at the same time as it is going on it is also sort of not going on: while "The music of the 1980s has re-entered the zeitgeist in a gigantic way ... the early '80s are sort of getting long in the tooth." Whatever. All I know is that Motley Crue hauls in $250,000 a night on their current tour. For a band that had as many sex-tape scandals as memorable songs (two), that's pretty amazing.

In music, 2004's biggest earner was '80s god Prince, who hauled in a cool $56.5 million, according to Rolling Stone. And music isn't the only cultural arena that links us with that decade. In politics and popular culture we aren't just pining for the '80s. We're living them.

Politically we are led by a divisive and deficit-happy president whose popularity was bolstered by the questioning of his intellectual credentials and the stern rhetoric he directs at "evil" nations. I can't take credit for noticing this, as Republican politicos have been peddling Reagan-Bush comparisons so desperately you'd think there were a few public buildings left that aren't named after the man.

In the Middle East, we bitterly oppose not Iran but Iraq, although the line between which one we're opposing and which we're supporting is a bit blurry at the moment. Regarding Iran, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's statement several weeks ago that "the question [of military action] is simply not on the agenda at this point in time" left a very obvious and rather ominous caveat.

Apple products are becoming more than just gizmos to us; they're changing our personal habits. Leg-warmers are back, I'm told, in "Ugg" form. Michael Jackson is making headlines for his off-stage antics. The Eagles made it to the Super Bowl but were ultimately overmatched. A long-time CBS Evening News anchor is stepping down (or getting shoved off a cliff, depending on how you look at it). The third installment of a Star Wars series is about to open to mass audiences everywhere. An evangelical religious revival is sweeping the country and knocking hard on the very thin partition between church and state.

We're living in the '80s, and I hate it here. But what's worse is what this development holds for our future. The Bush administration has managed to turn back the clock two decades, but why should we expect them to stop there? We are a generation that grew up taking things like Social Security and abortion rights for granted. But they were made by legislative and judicial action, and by legislative and judicial action they can be unmade. Now that there is both the will and the means to do so, it seems like it's only a matter of time.

Also, in typical '80s fashion, I certainly can't rely on any of my representatives in Congress to protect that which I hold dear. Maybe my political education is lacking, but I can't seem to think of a single Democrat from that era who is remembered for something other than a landslide defeat or an embarrassing political stunt. The group that delivered a giant paper-mache backbone to the DNC headquarters a few months ago wasn't pulling a prank. They were making a cry for help.

The half of the country that lost on November 2 is now facing the very real possibility that the comforting political realities that survived many Republican administrations may not be able to withstand the intensity of this conservative assault. And soon, as they say, with banners flying and with drums beating we'll be marching backward, backward through the glorious ages.

At least the music will be better.

Eliot Sherman is a senior English major from Philadelphia and editorial page editor of The Daily Pennsylvanian. Diary of a Madman normally appears on Tuesdays.

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