A College student's confession

I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an investment banker. I've thought about it, believe me. At Penn, the occupation is treated with the sort of reverence that students usually reserve for major religious figures and Dave Matthews. Even people who complain about the profession do so with the utmost respect.

But investment banking never appealed to me. Sure the money's good, but I hate math, and 90 hours a week strikes me as too much to work. That's it -- no rants about evil soulless capitalism from me. It's just not my thing. In fact, I didn't really know it existed until I came to Penn. For the longest time, when people talked about "I-banking," I thought they meant "Internet-banking." So I'm spared the standard College-student senior year soul-search about whether I should have applied to Wharton instead. The truth is, back then I didn't know what Wharton was.

I bring this up only because it has become clear to me that Penn really wants me to be an investment banker. That's why I'm apologizing; I think I've done all right by this place, and I'm sorry to have to let the University down. After all, if Penn didn't want me to be an investment banker, why would every single job opening posted on the career services Web site be in that field? I never had an inferiority complex about Wharton, but I must admit, it's frustrating when every single list of qualifications for a job ends with "two years experience in investment banking." Does everyone at Penn have investment banking experience? Did the Greek Lady guys spend two years at Goldman before they were permitted to operate a food truck on this campus?

On the one hand, it's not the University's fault that PennLink features a hugely disproportionate number of Wharton jobs. After all, the companies come to them, and no amount of pleading or cajoling on Penn's part will get The New Yorker to post what I want them to (Wanted: Writer. Must bluster more and research less. Raw tangential opinions essential. Alcohol problem and aversion to natural sunlight a plus. Starting salary in six figures).

But at the same time, it's a bit ridiculous that Penn refuses to be proactive about balancing the situation. Okay, so everyone at Wharton is so special that accounting firms and hedge funds get in line. Good for them. But if jobs for students with a liberal arts education (who, I believe, constitute the majority of each senior class) aren't as quick to come to us, why doesn't Penn go to them? Scrap the charts and graphs that scientifically prove that graduates from the College end up making more than Wharton students and give Ruth Shoemaker some help already. After all, it's not her fault that the University thinks it's appropriate that the entire job-hungry class of College seniors is her responsibility alone. Talk about a thankless job (what do you mean I can't demand $50,000 with my degree in the History of Sanskrit?!)

The uncomfortable truth I have to face in writing this column, besides the fact that my senior year soul-searching came annoyingly right on schedule, is that for the most part I have been very naive. I somehow got it into my head that getting into Penn was one of the last great hurdles I'd have to face professionally, that once I had my degree in hand people would be really impressed with it and would give me plenty of opportunities to prove myself. As far as I can tell, outside of continuing in academia, it doesn't seem to matter where you went to school. That's okay. I'm not looking for a handout. I just wish the myth of a Penn degree's supremacy hadn't been drilled into my skull during the last four years.

So a Penn degree isn't the ticket to riches and a fulfilling professional life. What can I say; as usual, I'm a little slow on the uptake. But in my defense, that is the line we are sold by teachers, parents and friends since grade school: everything leads up to college, which leads to the great job. The jobs are there (or so I'm told), but when it's time to find them, it's up to us, not the power of our degree. I accept that responsibility.

All I'm saying is a little help would be greatly appreciated.

Eliot Sherman is a senior English major from Philadelphia and editorial page editor of The Daily Pennsylvanian. Diary of a Madman normally appears on Tuesdays.

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