Steve Brauntuch: A few parting suggestions that could improve Penn

As both of my loyal readers know, my time as a columnist is rapidly coming to an end. While I have addressed many issues regarding this university over the past year and a half, some smaller ones still remain untapped.

With that in mind, I have compiled a list of suggestions for improvement, culled from arguments, discussions and Lunch Groups that I have held over my four years at Penn. These are simple ideas that I believe would make this university a better place for students, faculty and staff alike. In no particular order, I share them with you now.

• A drainage system. A path lined with bricks will always be uneven. But maybe the University could throw in a drain or two on Locust Walk so that our feet don't get soaked every time it rains. For instance, a well-placed drain outside of 1920 Commons would eliminate the ridiculous-sized puddle that develops in that space during every rainstorm. As high-rise dwellers will tell you, many pairs of shoes have been soaked while trekking over the 38th Street bridge in the rain. Along the same lines, a drain in Perelman Quadrangle might help get rid of the snow that seems to linger outside the doors of Houston Hall through the beginning of April.

• A high-rise restaurant. Do we really need three rooftop lounges? High Rise East is practically begging for an eating establishment on the 25th floor. Think of the money that could be made! It would be the biggest campus hotspot on weekend evenings, and Penn could take a cut of the action. Perhaps a chain restaurant, like Bennigan's or Houlihan's. Actually, tell you what -- you guys pick. Whichever Amy Gutmann prefers. One with a bar would help (especially to regulate drinking on campus), but there are probably a bunch of legal issues there, so it's not a deal breaker.

• Transcripts for free. I can't take full credit for this one, because it comes from a well-respected professor. But as he put it, "For $120,000, you should get two pieces of paper: a diploma and a transcript." It's absurd for students to pay a few extra dollars every time they want a transcript sent to a potential employer or graduate school. How about sacrificing the few hundred dollars you make every year and give students free copies of the grades they've earned over four years?

• Block party: yea or nay. The current system doesn't make any sense. If you don't mind the Spring Fling block parties (or any other block parties, for that matter), then let them happen and do some minor crowd control. If you don't want them, don't let them happen at all. This in-between stuff with cops breaking it up at 11:30 isn't working. Either close down Baltimore for a couple of hours on that Thursday night or stop it right from the start. And on a related note, driving motorcycles down the sidewalk is a bit much. Asking people to leave would be much more polite and probably just as effective.

• Advertise your sports. It's going to take more than the occasional flyer or brochure to get students to show up for any sporting event that's not basketball or football. I know they're not all moneymakers, but I'm willing to bet that people would go to more baseball or volleyball games if they knew when and where they were played. In fact, I bet 90 percent of Penn students don't even know where the baseball field is. I didn't until two weeks ago. The point is that advertising helps draw crowds, as the people flyering on Locust Walk know all too well. And speaking of which ...

• Cut down on the flyering. It's unbearable to spend more than 15 seconds on Locust Walk during the spring. Isn't there a way to spread those tables out a little bit? It's crowded enough without 18 different a cappella groups dishing out blue pieces of paper every three feet. Every student at this school ends up with a massive collection of square colored paper in their backpacks by the middle of theater season. So let's find a happy medium between the Athletic Department's lack of advertising and the millions of trees exhausted every year by performing arts groups.

• Add an Italian restaurant. Penne doesn't count, because no college student can afford it. And neither do the 823 pizza places on campus. We got a Mexican place, and it's a huge hit. Now let's up the ante and bring an Italian place to West Philly. It can even go on "International Restaurant Row," or as most people call it, the three back-to-back ethnic restaurants on 40th Street. The best place for it would probably be the repossessed ZBT house, but the location isn't crucial.

So please, kind Penn administrators, take these suggestions with a grain of salt. But if my experience here is any indication, implementing any one of these ideas will prove to be a huge success for everyone on campus. And who knows? A Bennigan's atop one of the high rises might even make students want to live there, even if the ceiling keeps caving in.

Steve Brauntuch is a senior communications major from Tenafly, N.J., and former editorial page editor of The Daily Pennsylvanian. Statler and Waldorf appears on Wednesdays..

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