Alum to fund comprehensive elevator renovations

(This article appeared in the 4/5/04 joke issue)Renovation projects for the elevators in the high rises will soon kick off in an effort to bring the equipment up to par with the highest technological standards on the market, making the prospect of a machine breakdown a virtual impossibility.

To accomplish the task, University officials hired the Pernas Otis Elevator Company, the same group that engineered the elevators in the Petronal Twin Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia -- the tallest buildings in the world from 1996 to 2003.

The money for the revamp -- about $6 million -- was donated by Wharton philanthropist Jon Huntsman in an attempt to acclimate Wall Street's youngest generation to the fast-paced life of luxury awaiting them.

"Wharton students already have to make up time for those minutes lost in the shower," he said. "I felt it was my duty to ensure their precious time would not be wasted in such frivolous matters like waiting for an elevator."

Facilities officials said they have been working for months to close this deal, in an effort to limit the volume of complaints and inquiries that reached their office daily.

"The Supervisory Control and Data Acquisition -- which monitors and regulates every maintenance activity happening in any Penn building -- has registered a high number of malfunctions and stalling cases in the last years," Campus Maintenance Services and Facilities Services Director Mike Coleman said. "We are currently training our electricians so that they will be able to maintain the new elevators in their pristine conditions."

Many Facilities officials said they feel relieved that such machines are being set up on campus.

"Students have complained about the elevators' tardiness since they were installed in the early '70s," Locust Area Facilities Services Director Betsy Robinson said. "With these upgrades, they will be able to perform well beyond the highest expectations. The days of odd floor-only stops are over."

Renovations are scheduled to start right after Senior Week, so incoming residents will be able to complete the move-in process in the most efficient and expedient of manners.

"These renovations are going to require a lot of money and effort," Faculty Director of College Houses and Academic Services Phil Nichols said. "But [University officials] decided that for once, they were going to give precedence to a real Facilities issue instead of planting benches in a field. We're doing this because we love you guys."

While some said they would have preferred fewer leaks and better heating systems to faster elevators, most house deans said they are quite satisfied with the plans for revamping.

"Students used to come to me saying that they had to calculate 15 minutes into their morning commute to class because of the elevators," Harrison College House Dean Frank Pellicone said. "Now they'll have to add only 15 seconds. We are very excited about the project."

Students -- residents and non-residents alike -- said they are quite pleased with the prospect of new elevators.

"Ogni volta che dovevo salire, c'era una coda di almeno 20 persone ad aspettare l'ascensore. E' per questo che ho lasciato High Rise South per Left Bank," Wharton senior and former Harrison resident Mariachia Piccinotti said. "Ma con questi nuovi ascensori voglio andare al rooftop lounge tutte le sere a godermi lo skyline."

"Io amo Jason Levy," she added.

Levy, the Undergraduate Assembly chairman and a College senior, has vowed not to sleep until the elevators are fixed.

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