Kevin Collins: Acknowledging gray area in rape dialogue

If you're like me, and you have cells with Y chromosomes, these are the phrases that jumped out at you from Darcy Richie's recent column on rape: "[T]here is something inherent in men that motivates them to need this power"; "the inherent characteristic of men that motivates them to rape"; "media sexualization of females translates, for so many men, into a justification [to] ... use force or coercion"; "these statistics won't change until we address the perspective of men and why they rape"; "what are we teaching men?"

Are these quotes taken out of context? Yes, to some degree. Do I concur with Richie's arguments on the prevalence of acquaintance rape and a need for dialogue? Yes, substantially, I do. But does this matter? Not very much, because while many of Richie's points are right and need to be made, the way she makes them alienates her male audience -- and men are the readers who she seems to be trying the hardest to reach.

What is worse, this seems to be all too characteristic of the way the discussion on rape is generally conducted.

Typically, rape is presented as a black and white issue, simple even. Rape is nonconsensual sex. What is consent? "No" means no; no "yes" means no; anything but "yes" means no; and an intoxicated "yes" doesn't mean yes either. Period.

The problem with this approach is that it prematurely terminates a necessary discussion. Why? Because frankly, talking about rape in concrete rather than abstract terms reveals complexities with more questions than answers.

Drugging someone's drink to have sex with her is surely wrong, as is getting someone drunk for the same purpose. But what about one less drink than full intoxication? And what about one less than that, one less than that, and one less than that? Moreover, what if you, too, are drinking and are unable to judge her level of intoxication? And why, if two people are both equally drunk, is the man held legally responsible for both of their actions?

Most importantly, if the issue is as simple as it is often portrayed, then why do my liberal, women's rights-supporting male friends raise these questions and others? They even talk (only half-jokingly) of a time in the not-so-distant future when written contracts certifying consent and sobriety will be necessary before sex, and if you've ever not had a condom when you needed one, try keeping track of a Breathalyzer and notary public.

I offer an answer for only the last of these questions. The dominant discourse on rape does a disservice to its purpose in two profound ways. First, in preferring black and white clarity and refusing to openly and honestly explore the gray areas of consent, it ignores the aspects of the issue that most need clarification.

Moreover, the images and stereotypes used when discussing rape deter men from constructively engaging with the issue. Our Y chromosomes are inherent, but a desire to rape certainly is not, and when we are broadly grouped with those that commit one of the most heinous of crimes because of our sex, we feel alienated and even attacked.

The pedantic attitude -- talking to men rather than talking with us -- does not help either. Perhaps, then, it is not all so surprising that men are hesitant to talk about rape, for few people like to be simultaneously infantilized and demonized because of inborn characteristics.

In preparing this column, I have discussed rape with a lot of people, and the most intelligent thing I've heard was that while we as a society need to discuss rape, the first and most important discussion must be in the bedroom. However, that is not enough.

Culture change comes not from sermons or statistics, but rather from open dialogue and authentic encounters. And let's be honest: While certainly most men are not rapists, most rapists are men. Any successful, perspective-altering discourse must then include men as full participants. This is why men need to feel comfortable discussing rape, both amongst ourselves and with women and broader society.

Many, if not most, men do not understand rape. In my all-male high school, we treated the subject casually and talked about being "raped" by tests and quizzes. I used to talk that way, too. I stopped when I went to Take Back the Night last year and heard women, much more courageous than most of us, speak out about being raped.

This is the type of experience that may well change the way you think about rape, or perhaps get you thinking about it for the first time. This is not a discussion of rape in the abstract; instead, it is women speaking about rape as it really happens.

This is something that we all, men and women, need to hear. Join me at this year's Take Back the Night -- this Wednesday at 7:30 p.m. on College Green -- to support survivors of sexual assault, to begin the slow process of cultural change, and to show that men, too, stand up against these horrible crimes.

Kevin Collins is a sophomore political science major from Milwaukee, Wis. ...And Justice For All appears on Mondays.

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