Almost a year ago, my alter ego on the sports page wrote a column politely suggesting that maybe the Penn fans should cut down on cursing at basketball games.
My argument was that, yes, using vulgarity at a basketball game is a bit crass, but it also lacks creativity, and Penn fans could do better than that.
I got a lot of feedback to my column, oh sure -- all of it negative. Accusations of stifling free speech, comparisons to the water buffalo incident, cries of "hypocrite" -- even a threat or two.
All of the comments and letters had one thing in common: Apparently, it's a God-given right to call an opposing player a name at a basketball game.
So, maybe I was wrong. Perhaps cursing at a basketball game is an expression of free speech. To be fair, hearing a venomous chant isn't going to turn a 10-year-old kid into a murderer.
Where's the big uproar, then, about FCC Chairman Michael Powell's wish to tighten fines for indecent material on television? Why is there no protest over HR 3687, which makes it punishable by law to say any of a list of seven "profane" words?
And now, thanks to Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake, HR 3687 and the FCC's stiffer fines are sure to pass as soon as possible, lest we corrupt our children.
Look, there's nothing wrong with a parent not wanting kids to hear profanity or see naked people. It is a personal choice, and hell, it may be the right one. I'm not a parent.
But it might not be wise for a parent to go into an uproar when a breast is exposed on television for a half-second.
"The way a child reacts to nudity is an exact reflection of how a parent reacts to it," Kerstin Potter, director of the Early Childhood Development Program at Harcum College, said in an interview in Tuesday's Metro. "The only way that it would be damaging to a child is if the parent is shocked by it."
It is obvious, of course, that this event was planned by Jackson and Timberlake -- an article on MTV.com from Jan. 28 had Jackson promising "shocking moments" -- yet there were other things during the Super Bowl that could have corrupted a minor that never get mentioned.
And it's not just beer ads, which can't be criticized because they bring in revenue. (Duh.) It's also, for example, the fact that you can get a four-hour erection from a new erectile dysfunction pill, after which you should contact your doctor. And has nobody mentioned what mischief kids could have gotten into during the scoreless opening 26 minutes of play?
The FCC has opened an investigation into the halftime show but not into any of these other possibly corrupting events. Powell said it will be "thorough and swift."
This investigation, of course, means the FCC gets to watch closeups of the end of the halftime show many, many times in a row. But they're professionals, and so thus immune to the damage such filth can do to their morals.
Speaking of that, it's actually rather funny when a politician or commentator comes out and says something like "we need to stamp out the f-word on television."
For some reason it is entirely appropriate to say "the f-word" instead of the actual word, even though everyone knows what is being conveyed. I was a kid not that long ago, and I knew what "f---" meant when I saw it.
An example: The Daily Pennsylvanian ran "n-----" in a column last week several times, even though everyone reading the column knew what word was being mentioned. (Strangely enough, "fag" wasn't dashed out in the column.)
But we all accept this, and so I won't curse in this column, and I don't curse at basketball games. Great. I'd rather say, "Gosh, darn it" instead of something harsher, rather than run the risk of upsetting someone. And, sure, it's understandable that people are upset that there was more nudity at the Super Bowl than at the Lingerie Bowl.
But what will increasing the $27,500 fine for "indecent" programming on television and radio actually accomplish -- especially when "indecent" seems to be arbitrarily defined by Powell and his cronies? The slippery slope argument is an overused one, but it seems appropriate here. There's a difference between voluntarily deciding not to curse and being told what not to say.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've been watching the halftime replay for four hours straight and I have to go see my doctor for this e-------.
Darn Super Bowl.
Daniel McQuade is a senior English major from Philadelphia, Pa., and outgoing 34th Street managing editor. Lone Wolf McQuade appears on Thursdays.
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