OK, so I'm a huge dork and I really like video games. I know I'm not the only one, and even if you don't, chances are that come this holiday season, you'll find yourself shopping for someone who does. Look at this as my buyer's beware.
I never really bought into the Microsoft-as-evil thing, which shows how savvy I am. I'm a big fan of the Microsoft-made Xbox, and if you are too, then take heed -- there's a chance yours might not work anymore. Mine was having trouble running a few newer games and flat out didn't run one. Apparently, I'm not the only person with this problem.
Basically, if you got your Xbox more than a year ago, it has finished its usefulness. Apparently, those models were installed with a Thompson DVD drive, which is unable to run the games that are currently being released for the system. Microsoft started replacing these in later Xbox units with Samsung drives, but of course, never bothered to tell their customers.
Why does this matter to you? The game that you're thinking of getting for your kid brother this Christmas might not be worth the box it comes in. And there's very little way to tell.
Indulging in my curiosity, I called Microsoft technical support.
"I see that your warranty has expired," said the support guy, after taking my info, practically seething in a voice reserved for far graver offenses ("I see you have burned down my house," or "I see you have assaulted my grandmother"). He went on to inform me that the cost to "repair" the drive would be $100. And the nearest repair facility? Tennessee.
Now look, I know Microsuck is located in Seattle, but I like to think I'm not their only customer on the East Coast. Tennessee? What is that, just the average distance? Is Tennessee exactly between Philadelphia and Seattle? (Editor's note -- the distance between Philadelphia and Nashville is 790 miles, while the distance between Nashville and Seattle is 2,440 miles. The answer is no.)
I was close to doing it, which is bad, because I certainly don't have $100 to spare for things that are not food-related. But he promised the Xbox back to me in seven to 12 days which, even when I applied my Formula For How Real Shit Works™, was only three weeks. Not a bad turnaround time, considering they were faced with the daunting task of removing my drive and inserting a new one.
However, in true Microsuck fashion, the gentleman informed me that it would be up to me to cover the shipping costs to Tennessee. That's about when I lost it; not only was I, the allegedly valued longtime loyal customer being coerced into paying $100 to replace their deficient drive, but they were going to make me pay shipping! At that point I might as well shell out the 150 bucks for the new one. It's almost as if this were done by design...
Now, I'm more than a little paranoid and I see conspiracy theories everywhere. But why couldn't this have been perfectly planned out? Microsoft knew the Thompson drives were deficient -- that's why they started replacing them. However, they seemed perfectly inclined not to tell their customers until it became readily apparent, once games were released that the machine couldn't handle.
What I'd like is for someone to explain to me why Microsoft shouldn't do a recall. Look at recent product recalls -- Firestone (now Bridgestone, so sneaky!) and Tylenol pulled their products back from the shelves. The circumstances are admittedly a bit different, since those products were recalled due to the harm they caused, but I don't see why it shouldn't be analogous from a purely business standpoint. Recall the product and compensate the customers.
If Microsoft doesn't think this is a big deal, then they're not quite as nerdtastically brilliant as everyone gives them credit for. We're closing in on the holiday season crunch; with umpteen new titles ready to hit shelves in time to be bought and wrapped by Christmas, how many little Tommys of the world are going to be unable to play their new game on Christmas morning, their only crime being that they have been loyal customers for a year or more?
From a PR standpoint, overloading the switchboards with complaints on Dec. 25 is a good way to lose customers, and even worse, lose money.
Maybe I'm crazy about the conspiracy angle, but I just find it more than a little convenient that this starts happening just in time for Microsoft to "unveil" its holiday offer for an allegedly great deal on a new Xbox system. Either way, as a customer, I feel fully screwed over. Hopefully, enough people will complain that something gets done. And, as a rather big bright side, at least Madden still works.
But if Bill Gates ends up as the Grinch that steals your Christmas, you can't say I didn't warn you.
Eliot Sherman is a junor English major from Philadelphia, Pa.
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