Rebecca Rosner: Surviving a one-time trip to College Buffet

This past Friday, the DP presented its semesterly dining guide. I always leaf through it, but my complaint is that most of the time, these DP reviewers are so excited to get off campus for a free meal that their reviews are always glowing. Too often the restaurants are in the "special occasion only" category. In the spirit of on-campus inexpensive dining, I offer my review of College Buffet.

To me, there is no such thing as bad Chinese food. This is why I was intrigued by the mystery surrounding College Buffet, a less-than-glamorous joint on the corner of 39th and Walnut whose window boldly advertises a $6.95 all-you-can-eat buffet. Though some might argue that buffets are low-quality, I disagree. Where else can one find so many choices and the ability to have as many plates of food as desired?

Yet College Buffet has not appealed to Penn students. According to Penn legend, College Buffet will make you deathly ill. I repeatedly heard this warning as I passed by and innocently asked whomever I was walking with if they had eaten there. "Are you kidding?" would be the inevitable reply. "That place'll kill you." But when I asked if they had actually eaten there or known of anyone who had, the responses were vague.

This appeared to be an urban legend. Urban legends are not only the basis for horror movies. Often, they are simply stories passed around that people insist are true, but when pressed, cannot prove. It's always a "friend of a friend" who was killed while babysitting or found a hook in her car door or ate bad Chinese food.

While writers infrequently have the opportunity to enact real change in this world, I felt that if I could eat at College Buffet and dispel this myth, I would effectively be altering a Penn tradition. Though I do not claim to have believed the rumor, on the off chance that the food would cause digestive uncertainties, the night of the event had to be chosen carefully.

I selected a Thursday night, reasoning that my only Thursday night obligation was to watch ER, and although ER's gruesome nature might not agree with indigestion, it could always be videotaped should the need arise.

Because I am not particularly brave, I found adventuresome friends to be my dinner companions. (I should note that of the three friends I asked, only two agreed to participate. The third, who has been bungee jumping, decided that the risk of eating at College Buffet was too great.)

As we prepared to leave, a wave of nausea passed through us simultaneously, but we were determined in our quest. The neon sign promised our fate: $6.95. All you can eat.

The buffet was separated into two sections, for appetizers and main dishes. We began our meal with a choice of soups, either chicken with corn or hot and sour. I chose the chicken with corn, which was much too sweet, and my roommate chose hot and sour, which she proclaimed neither hot nor sour. We moved on to the fried appetizers, consisting of egg rolls, vegetable pancakes, fried vegetables and, strangely enough, chicken nuggets and french fries reminiscent of the McDonald's down the street.

Overall, the main dishes drew our attention the most. Some of the food had interesting textures, such as the General Tso's chicken that was more of a gelatinous glob of brown sauce than any resemblance of chicken, or the lo mein with its wormy noodles that were so oily they slid off of the serving spoon. Others had pungent aromas, like the beef and broccoli that smelled of overcooked beef and undercooked broccoli soaking in a salty brown sauce.

We tried it all, from happy family to sweet and sour chicken to shrimp in lobster sauce. While nothing tasted spectacular, our only real complaint was the temperature of the food. There is nothing pleasant about scooping a forkful of cold fried rice into your mouth.

The real entertainment of College Buffet was not the food, but the atmosphere. The other patrons, who, for previously explained reasons were not Penn students, were unusual to say the least. The most noteworthy was a group of local teenagers that came in and practically attacked the buffet, loudly and boisterously complaining about various dishes and making the waitress painfully repeat herself when they could not understand her accented English.

After our fortune cookies bestowed words of wisdom upon us, we began the walk home, wondering what was to come. I can officially report nothing. No one died, no one went to the hospital, no one was even gravely ill. My friends claimed they felt a bit sick, but as nothing came of that, I can conclude that the myth of College Buffet is only a myth. Although we survived the experience, the food was certainly not worth our $6.95 a person, and so we will not return to College Buffet. But each time I pass by, I feel a surge of pride and a craving for Chinese food... at another restaurant.

Rebecca Rosner is a senior English major from Lawrenceville, N.J.

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