Rebecca Rosner: A valuable lesson in Penn etiquette

Move over, Emily Post. Etiquette at Penn isn't about keeping your elbows off the table or saying "bless you" when someone sneezes. It doesn't matter if you shake hands properly or hold your spoon at the correct angle.

Etiquette at Penn is a whole new ballgame. It's an intricate web of unspoken rules and standard codes of conduct. Make the wrong move and beware of the menacing stares from other students.

But how am I supposed to learn these rules, you may wonder? Well, new freshman or clueless upperclassman, simply read ahead and soon, you too will be welcomed into the good graces of Penn society.

Laundry Etiquette

Laundry evokes many questions, which can mean loads of trouble. Where do the quarters go? Where do the whites go? What's a sock? Your RA is available to answer all of these pressing needs. Then all you have to remember are a few simple rules:

1. Separate your clothing into as many piles as possible: one for blues, one for reds, one for stripes, etc. Use a separate laundry machine for each pile, preferably using all the machines in the laundry room at once.

2. No one wants to go to the laundry room and have to wait for the machine to finish. Better to give it a few hours and return at your leisure to pick up your clothes.

3. Should you arrive at the laundry room and find that someone else's cycle is complete, simply remove that person's clothing from the machine and toss it on the floor so that your fellow launderer can retrieve it at his convenience.

4. If said laundry cycle is not complete, simply remove that person's clothing from the machine and toss it on the floor so that your fellow launderer can retrieve it at his convenience.

Elevator Etiquette

Quad and low rise dorm dwellers are fortunate to be exempt from daily elevator trauma, but high rise residents and visitors should be advised of a few elevator rules:

1. Chivalry is not dead. It is perfectly acceptable to hold the elevator doors for the cute freshman who is running to catch it, as it is acceptable to hold the elevator doors for your roommate who is still in your room eating breakfast and will be out any second now.

2. The elevator offers a unique opportunity to bond with your fellow dorm mates, whether it's with your friend on the other side of the crowded vestibule or with a stranger who is obviously equally eager to get to know you.

3. Contrary to popular belief, the elevator is capable of stopping at each and every floor. In fact, by making the elevator stop at two floors in a row, you provide more time and common ground for other passengers to bond.

4. There is much debate over the use of elevators below a certain floor. The general consensus seems to be that, at minimum, fifth-floor residents and below must walk down to the lobby, and third-floor residents and below must walk up to their floors. If you must violate this stipulation, you are required to loudly and apologetically announce your intentions upon entry.

Classroom Etiquette

We all attend class and try to leave a favorable impression on our professors. There are several things to remember in this endeavor:

1. If you must arrive to class late, attempt to appear out of breath and flushed, as though you have made every effort possible to arrive on time, including physical exertion. This effect can be enhanced by carrying a fresh mocha latt‚. Then, spend 20 minutes looking for the perfect seat and politely excuse yourself as you navigate your way to middle of the row. Spend the next 20 minutes asking questions about concepts the professor has just explained before you arrived.

2. Too frequently, professors are unaware that class time has ended. Slamming your book shut and drumming on the desk will be much more effective in respectfully communicating the time than a casual glance at your watch.

3. If class participation is a factor in your grade, keep your arm in an upright position at all times. Participation is not about contributing something insightful and relevant -- it is about sharing your life history with your fellow classmates.

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Proper Penn etiquette is not difficult to maintain and contributes to a more enjoyable college experience for all of us. With a little practice, you might one day be the one giving that evil stare to a naive student.

Rebecca Rosner is a senior English major from Lawrenceville, N.J.

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