Seth Schreiberg: Achievements without a face

On Monday, the DP staff editorial criticized the Undergraduate Assembly for our lack of visibility, citing low name recognition of our leader as proof of a failure to communicate with our constituency, and by implication, a failure to act on your behalf. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Seth Schreiberg, and I, for the next six weeks, am the undisputed heavyweight chairman of the UA, the almighty force that governs the minutiae of your undergraduate experience. I am at your lectures ensuring that you take notes and listen attentively. I am your culinary adviser, guiding you through the labyrinth of food trucks, restaurants and even Commons to guarantee the correct balance of price and flavor, all the while meticulously tracking your RDA and caloric intake. When your alarm clock fails, I am the voice that gently awakens you from peaceful slumber. When you are weary, I am the strong shoulder you nestle against, and I happily lend you my security blanket for added warmth. I am your ideal boyfriend, swaggering about with the chiseled physique of Adonis and the keen intellect of Solomon. I am passionate and romantic, though acutely aware of proper occasions for a fiery lust that burns Puritanical prohibitions on their stakes. I am the fusion of Seinfeld and Chris Rock, often crude but eternally witty, the life of every party from Delaware Avenue to Beige Block. If you haven't seen me out, you really weren't having that much fun after all. Yet through it all, an intrinsic humility allows me to be so self-effacing that apparently 70 percent of my peers are unaware that my intrepid leadership is the backbone of their collective existence. Maybe it's because there are 32 other UA members who deserve mention, as well as five other branches of government and a dozen other umbrella groups that are often more relevant to your campus life than I am. This semester they have continued to work on projects dealing with administrative policy. After two years of lobbying, we were successful in promoting a change in grading for abroad programs that reflects the impossibility of precisely translating other philosophies into ours and finally aligns us with our peer institutions. Also, you can still use credits earned abroad toward your major. UA members researched the effects of early decision on Penn's applicant pool and solicited your thoughts in last month's survey. Others are looking into the unfortunate predicament of students with outside scholarships who lose a percentage of the cash from their grants. We encouraged Facilities Services to improve basic amenities often taken for granted and to unlock the Quad bathrooms (duct tape over the bolts for now). We recommended many businesses that will soon fill vacancies, and after spring break, a second survey will seek to gauge popular preferences. Our infamous resolution to establish off-campus living communities needs the constructive criticism it has received, and as we attempt a revolution in the perception of community at Penn, we hope that you will contribute to the discussion. For freshmen, we advocate a redoubled effort by the college houses to coordinate events that offer broader opportunities to freshmen in predominantly upperclassmen dorms. Penn Dining has implemented most of the changes sought by the UA Freshmen Committee, but as always, we want better, cheaper food, and the end to an unjustly mandated system. The UA is working with universities throughout Philadelphia to establish a regional student association that will lobby for benefits and services from city and state officials and is heavily involved in the planning of an International Culture Festival that will take place this spring. On the national level, we recently declared support for international students burdened unfairly by the SEVIS tracking system and joined with the InterCoalition and GAPSA in upholding race as a valuable component of diversity in education and requesting funding for buses to the Observation of Democracy on April 1. We hope students from all ideologies attend this historic event. While our timeline is always ASAP, many of our larger goals require the commitment of future leaders and active participation from the student body. In the meantime, we will continue to reach out to you through surveys, our Web site, Locust Walk appearances, office hours, weekly public meetings and by enlisting the help of other representative groups on campus. That way, even if you never know my name, you can still tap into a vast network of students working tirelessly to improve our quality of life.

Seth Schreiberg is the chairman of the Undergraduate Assembly.

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