Hilal Nakiboglu: Having some fun with a Nigerian con artist

Given the weighted consideration war brings, it is especially important to allow yourself time away. Put down that TV remote and take a breather from CNN-speak. Refold your copy of The New York Times and make sure you aren't balancing the heft of the world on your small shoulders.

Go for a run, visit Center City or, for comic relief, read on for excerpts of my recent communication with the son of a deceased Nigerian general.

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To: hilaln@dolphin.upenn.edu

Sent: Sunday, March 2, 2003 12:28 a.m.

Subject: I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE

Dear Sir:

I am Kizombe Abacha, son of the late Head of State of the Republic of Nigeria, General Sanni Abacha who died under mysterious circumstances on Aug. 6, 1998. After his death, the new president has frozen money belonging to my late father.

Fortunately, my mother has arrangements to secretly move the sum of U.S. $155,000,000.00 for safe-keeping into a security vault. We are seeking a business partner to manage these funds as we watch the political situation in Nigeria unfold.

I am absolutely positive that this arrangement will be of mutual benefit to both of us. It is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE that you reach me through my personal e-mail stating your telephone number, and I will give you a call to discuss the matter further.

I trust that this will be the beginning of a long lasting business relationship.

Most Sincerely, Kizombe Abacha

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Dear Kizombe Abacha,

First of all, I am completely touched that you are considering me as a potential business partner and ally. Your note has terrific timing really, as I am currently looking for exciting new opportunities.

Since I am not sure how you found my e-mail address, or how much you know about me -- for instance I am actually female and would prefer not to be called "sir" -- I am attaching my current resume for your review. I am also including a scanned photograph taken in South Beach last summer with my pet maltese, Sultana.

Although I am presently unemployed, I have a series of projects "in the works" as they say here in America. Most notably, I am interested in starting my own company that would produce and market a new type of comfortable, flexible adult diaper (I hope to call it the "Dryper" -- get it? A diaper that keeps you dry! Neat, huh?).

Perhaps you would be interested in becoming an investor. You certainly seem to have the necessary funds.

I've removed all contact information from my resume, as I like to get to know a person before giving out my phone number. I hope you understand.

That's it for now. Write soon, OK?

Regards, Hilal

PS: Let's move forward with this ASAP. Please e-mail me details on how we can use my bank account to transfer your dad's funds.

PPS: Do you IM?

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Dear Hilal,

Thank you for your kind correspondence and acceptance of my business proposal.

I feel privileged to be working with someone who has such fine business acumen.

Please give me your secured telephone and fax numbers to enable me to fax the appropriate deposit documents for your approval and quick action.

It is with anxious excitement that I await for your prompt reply. Again, I restate my great confidence in you. Call me directly at 00 221 639 03 99 for us to have detailed discussions.

Truly yours, Kizombe Abacha

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Dear Kizombe,

I'm super glad you wrote back! It's not every day that one gets a shot at a great business opportunity like this (although yesterday I received a similarly-worded e-mail from an "Alhaji ado Abacha" also requesting to be my business partner. I'm guessing he must be your brother?).

Anywayzz, Kizi (yikes, can I call you that??), I'll give you my phone number, etc. but only after we e-mail some more. I just don't feel ready yet and would need more important information from my future business partner before I commit. What are your hobbies, for instance? Likes? Dislikes? Favorite colors? Etc, etc.

Also, you didn't make any reference to my "Dryper, Inc." idea in your message. Any thoughts on this?

Check you later, Hilal

PS: Do you have cable in Nigeria? If so, do you watch The Sopranos? I think that show is wicked cool!

PPS: You still haven't given me your IM info! I'm hurt, Kizi. Really.

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Sadly, Kizombe has chosen not to respond to my last message.

Just as well, as I've since found references to crooks like him on the Web site http://www.quatloos.com/scams/nigerian.htm. Kizi helps contribute to making the Nigerian -- also called the 419 -- banking scam, the third-largest money-making industry in Nigeria. Should you get hit, refer to the Web site set up by the Secret Service at http://www.secretservice.gov/alert419.shtml for tips on action and reporting protocol.

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