Daily Dose of Truth: A cappella groups unite!

(This article appeared in the 3/31/03 joke issue)

The time has come for Penn's much-beleaguered a cappella groups to unionize. And this time, the University has no right to stand in the way of change.

Students who participate in Penn's most favored pastime have been at the bottom of the food chain for long enough. They do not receive adequate health insurance to care for their voices. They are not given access to the proper supplies necessary for their job, including posterboard and big chalk. And they are forced to rehearse in space that does not allow them to express their full vocal ranges.

It is obvious that a cappella singers can be treated as performers when they are on stage and as students when they are doing their homework. These students have been searching for a voice for too long -- now, the University must step aside and let them find that collective voice.

Inspired by our colleagues and in light of this recent unionization trend, the DP has made plans to form its own bargaining unit and bring our case to the National Labor Relations Board. We feel that we are not adequately represented by ourselves in negotiating the terms of our employment with ourselves.

However, due to legal precedent, we have had to restructure our bargaining unit in order to ensure victory. For instance, we are forced to exclude 34th Street editors, bi-weekly columnists, Matthew Mugmon and Production Party Animals (Production Pop Stars, however, made the cut).

We hope that after this unionization drive is complete, we will begin to take ourselves more seriously in contract negotiations. We are confident that, like Penn's beloved a cappella groups, the NLRB will rule in our favor.

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