Elisabeth Kwak-Hefferan: Taking the plunge before getting a Bachelor's

This Valentine's Day, my cousin Natalie won't be picking up roses or chocolates or browsing the card racks for something suitably gushy for her boyfriend. Nope, this year, she'll be doing all those things for her husband. That may seem unremarkable at first, but consider one detail. Natalie is 19 years old. News of her impending marriage shocked me when I first heard it, but I can't say she's the only one around with nuptial fever. It seems that every time I head back to my hometown for vacation, I hear news of another old classmate of mine tying the knot. Some of them were shotgun weddings -- where the bride had to let out a few inches on the waist of her gown, if you know what I mean -- but others left me wondering if 20 really was too soon to be an old maid. One thought invariably pops into my head in reaction to this gossip, the same thought that crossed my mind when I watched Natalie walk down the aisle this summer: what the hell are they thinking? I'm no opponent of marriage, mind you. Like many girls I know, I've indulged in fantasies about what shade of violet would be best for my bridesmaids' dresses and the pros and cons of a band versus a DJ. But I never spent too much time thinking about the most important aspect in this dream, namely, myself and the groom. If he did appear, it was always as some faceless guy standing up at the altar, and I was so much older that it seemed like someone else donning the veil. Sure, I want to get married... someday. But I simply can't fathom being ready to take that step now. Two basic fears come into play here: fear of commitment and fear of being alone. You've got to be more afraid of one than the other, and that makes a big difference when you're deciding the marriage question. For some, the thought of being tied down too early outweighs the thought of living alone at 40 on the fright scale. You've got to admit, walking down the aisle during high school or college comes with a daunting set of disadvantages. The odds are against very young couples. Statistics show the younger you are when you marry, the more likely your marriage will fail within ten years. This makes sense -- the less mature you are, the less well you know yourself and the more likely it is that you will grow and change significantly. So what seemed like a fantastic idea when you were 19 can become a foolish mistake in your mind when you're 25. Early marriage also complicates an already complicated growing-up process. At this point in our lives, we're expected to learn how to get by on our own -- it's the era of everything from first laundry loads to first apartment leases. On top of that, we're supposed to be figuring out a career that will make us happy for the rest of our lives. This stuff is mind-boggling enough when we only have ourselves to please -- imagine adding another person's needs to that mix. Not only that, but what if you miss out on fantastic opportunities because of your dearly beloved? Will you be kicking yourself for turning down that dream job in Paris because your spouse is still finishing school? But for others, these troubles are mere annoyances compared to being alone for the rest of your life. Consider a common scenario: one member of a young couple (together for a few years, no major complaints) wonders suddenly, how can I be sure he's The One? At one extreme, she'll think, maybe there's someone even better out there and I'm just settling -- she'll kick him to the curb and go off in search of greener pastures. But at the other, she'll think, what if there isn't anyone else and I lose a perfectly good boyfriend forever? She's the one who wears a wedding dress before a graduation robe. Of course, it's not as easy as that. I've left out the most important variable of all. According to Natalie, the answer to her young marriage was simple: love. She was head over heels for her fianc‚, and neither could see any reason to wait. After all, if it's real, why waste any time? If you're absolutely sure, there's no way to argue -- all I can offer is congratulations and envy. So Natalie ignored the doubts so many wanted to plant in her mind and said "I do" with a smile on her face. And as I watched her first dance as a Mrs., I truly believed she and her sweetheart-turned-husband would live happily ever after. Happy Valentine's Day, guys. Elisabeth Kwak-Hefferan is a junior communications major from Wheaton, Ill.

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Pennsylvanian.