Eliot Sherman: Making the case for the 'nice' guys

Ah, Valentine's Day. Single women dread it. So do attached men. Older folks are sick of it. In fact, the only demographic that really seems to welcome this Hallmark holiday with open arms is, well, Hallmark, and all the other companies that get a boost in sales from this curious semi-holiday. Valentine's Day for the involved man means a lot of sudden research. Out of nowhere, birthstones take on a peculiar significance. The difference between silver and gold becomes paramount, and we suddenly remember that Switzerland is also famous for chocolate, as well as watches and shady banking. Victoria's Secret catalogues are perused to no end, although in retrospect, I suppose that activity isn't really limited to Valentine's Day. From what I hear, though, this holiday is much more stressful for single women. So let's address some of the stereotypes. I'm sure we've all heard the same sob story from our single female friends, the woe-is-me rant about how much they suffer being single, how they are going to be relegated to watching Sex in the City in their pajamas and eating H„agen-Dazs straight from the bin while pining for "just one nice guy to like me" on this holiest of pop holidays. Or how relationships are unattainable because they are destined to wander the earth alone, forever. If you fit that description, I've got something to say to you. Shut up and open your eyes. No, really. Shut the hell up. Do you have any idea how many "nice" guys there are in your daily life? Guys who secretly are crazy about you but don't know how to work up the nerve to say it or simply think that you're not interested? Maybe you really aren't interested. And why is that? You always say you want the "nice" guy, but you don't really. You like the loud, confident types, not the quiet guy who always manages to sit near you in class and who shares your interest in 19th-century poetry. Don't kid yourself. You'll get no sympathy from me. I see this happening all around me, and it makes me crazy. I'm not one of the "nice" guys (I just told you to shut up, remember?) but I don't mind sticking up for them. Sure, maybe some of those "nice" guys could, from time to time, show a little backbone and tell you that they're not really interested in having a three-hour phone conversation about how cute you think this guy you saw on the Walk is. But they won't. What they would do is worship the ground you walk on if you'd just wake up and give them a chance. So if you're single, keep an eye out for the nice guys. They're pretty easy to spot. They usually have an encyclopedic knowledge of sad old bastard music (any room where Coldplay seeps out from under the door at all hours is a good bet). They laugh at your jokes. They listen attentively when you talk about your innermost feelings. They get a kick out of making you happy. Without advocating unneeded breakups, I would also say that if you have a boyfriend and things aren't working out, consider the nice guy. He's the one you call when your boyfriend spends your anniversary at Club Wizzards, by the way. This all culminates on Valentine's Day, of course, because for some reason, it's harder to be single halfway through February. Of course, it shouldn't be like this. Ideally, it should be about taking some time to recognize and appreciate the people you care about. That's what I believe anyway, so I'll put my money where my mouth is. I'm sure you don't want me to get personal and wax poetic about my own life, but I don't particularly care. My girlfriend is phenomenal. She is, in no uncertain terms, one of the best things that has ever happened to me. So what if she rolls her eyes when I try to explain the difference between zone and man coverage? Or that, up until recently, she thought the Eagles were a baseball team? I just can't shake this feeling that I want to make her happy, and if that means submitting to the inane social practices of a consumer holiday, so be it. Aneesha... Happy Valentine's Day. Eliot Sherman is a sophomore from Philadelphia, Pa.

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