Elisabeth Kwak-Hefferan: Let the dancing begin

If chivalry is really dead, perhaps it's time to dance on its grave. First off, let's define "chivalry" according to the Random House Webster's College Dictionary to avoid any confusion. Chivalry is "the combination of qualities expected of a knight;" being chivalrous means being "considerate and courteous to women; gallant." Translated into everyday terms, it means men opening doors for women, paying for dinner, pulling out chairs and the like. Don't get me wrong -- I enjoy being treated like a princess as much as the next girl, and I wouldn't mind if some of these chivalrous gestures were still widely socially expected. But to be honest, the practice of chivalry doesn't seem fair. How can we demand special treatment and equal rights as women in every way? My main problem with chivalry is that it's not exactly reasonable to expect guys to jump through hoops for us -- but that's mild compared to some of the arguments I've heard. From certain angles, having a door opened for you is as insulting as a slap in the face. Women who take such issue with chivalry view it through a historical perspective. The original chivalry of knights and their ladies fair was the product of an age of gender inequality -- back then, women were seen as weak, fragile and in need of protection. So all of this pulling out of chairs and laying down of coats over puddles wasn't so much boys being nice as it was an outgrowth of the assumption that girls couldn't handle such things. Fast-forward to this century, and similar practices abounded with their own justification. The convention of men paying for dates, after all, was partially because men were by and large the ones making money. If we're translating according to this dictionary, opening a door for a girl becomes "You're not strong enough to do this," and picking up the check means "Your work couldn't earn you enough to afford it." That's taking things too far. I don't think the guy who let me walk through the bookstore doors first was engaged in some nefarious plot to subvert the women's movement -- I think he was being nice. But by the same token, I'm not going to stop upon reaching a door and wait for the next male to hold it open. This chivalry concept is more contentious than it appears at first glance. For one thing, it seems some guys hold this code of conduct dear. Chances are, if you're going through the trouble to take that special someone out, you have more than a passing interest in her. You're going to want to impress her, and that means treating her with respect and trying your best to play the gentleman. Oftentimes, that involves dusting off the section of your brain labeled "dating tips from Mom" and trotting out the conventional trappings of chivalry. A lot of girls sure like it, too. Why wouldn't we? The princess treatment is a definite perk of being female in this day and age. Even if we don't automatically assume our male companions will open the car door for us, most of us aren't offended if he does. And let's be honest -- even though we offer to split the bill, nine out of 10 of us will mentally deduct points from our young fellow if he doesn't insist on paying for the first date. As comfortable as it seems, this arrangement just doesn't make sense. We've come far enough along that pretty much everyone agrees that men and women are quite similar in any way that matters. Equal rights and equal opportunities, while not yet a complete reality, are still accepted as legitimate demands. Women aren't fragile, weak or in need of protection. So why do we need chivalry anymore? We don't. At least not in the original, one-sided sense of the word. When you get right down to it, chivalry is basically respect, consideration and courtesy toward a fellow human. It's wonderful to treat women this way, and it should continue. The thing is, women have to reciprocate. It's not too difficult. It simply means holding a door rather than letting it slam in someone's face, regardless of the gender of that someone. It means waiting an extra three seconds by the car door rather than insisting that a guy let you in first every time. It means having to pony up sometimes when the bill arrives. We don't have to lament the death of chivalry if we replace it with mutual thoughtfulness. This way, we all win -- no one is subtly suppressed, no one is shouldering an unfair social burden and the world is a kinder place. Let the dancing begin. Elisabeth Kwak-Hefferan is a junior communications major from Wheaton, Ill.

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