Eliot Sherman: Learning to live with ethnic differences

Telling people that I live in W.E.B. DuBois College House is always good for a laugh, as well as predictable follow up comments. These are usually along the lines of "But Eliot, you're so..." (Charming? Witty? Mysterious?)

White.

Well. I suppose that is a fair assessment. But there are whiter. Caspar Weinberger and Calvin Coolidge are the only ones who immediately come to mind, but I'm sure that there are others. Never mind my appreciation of Public Enemy, KRS-ONE, Eric B. and Rakim or any of the other Professors of the old school. White is what I am and, fortunately, I do not suffer the common delusion of suburban, private-schooled America. I did not grow up on the crime side, The New York Times side, where stayin' alive was no job... in other words, I am not from the hood. Grab your glocks when you see Eliot Sherman just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Of course, that too is slightly inaccurate. I did spend the last four years living in West Philadelphia (born and raised -- there I said it. Happy?) while you were living in California, Illinois or Long Island.

I'm sorry, there aren't any other options. Everyone is from California, Illinois or Long Island. I say this with assurance because for me Illinois encompasses all the other Midwestern states that start with I, like Iowa, Indiana and Idaho.

But what am I saying? Place of residence, musical tastes and the like is not how we define ethnicity. If it were, I'd be Australian, Midwestern, Northeastern, black, white, Mexican, Asian and dead. And that would be more than a little confusing.

No, ethnicity is something you're born into, right? Despite the fact that Eminem is from the mean streets of Detroit and sells millions of rap records and Tony Gwynn played baseball and sounds like my social studies teacher. Isn't race is more than a state of mind?

Living in DuBois brings some of this to light. I learn important new things, like Puff Daddy isn't cool any more (time to delete some MP3s...), but I also learn that some people grumble at the very existence of DuBois. Why not an Asian-themed dorm, or a Latin-themed dorm or one for every minority?

A couple things on that. First of all, if we had a building for every minority, I'd get my own, since according to my SATs I'm a Mormon Pacific Islander (and that, friends, is how to get into an Ivy League school).

Second of all, we already have an Asian-themed dorm, it's just called English College House. It's a fun place, really. I lived there for a year.

Third of all, and this is of course simply my opinion, I think after the hundred-odd years or so of brutal enslavement the least someone can ask for is a themed dorm. A little perspective, please.

I went to a touchy-feely Quaker school for a couple of years and the best way to get a teacher in a bind was to bring up race. I would sit back, proud of my work, while they struggled between "we are all one people" and "we should recognize and celebrate out ethnic differences." That was always a good way to shave 20 minutes or so off of math class. Of course the first option would be a bad way to go, since many of America's comedians would be out of a job.

I suppose in a way this is all inspired by the alleged book about the alleged water buffalo incident that allegedly happened at an alleged university with the same name as this one. Allegedly. There is no doubt that what was said was rude, but, dare I say it, perhaps not worthy of a national media spotlight.

Are there ethnic differences in this country? Sure. Are there ethnic-specific nasty words you can use if you want to? There are, and there will always be. But as long as we're not killing each other over them (and, to my knowledge, Penn is exempt from that practice), I'd say the eye of history would call that progress.

Well, I'm done now. I hope many of you are good and offended at my candid tone; and if you aren't, then maybe you understand. Now this honky is gonna go download some Hootie and the Blowfish and watch Star Trek. You all can have a nice day.

Eliot Sherman is a sophomore from Philadelphia, Pa.

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